Nice Cream, No Screaming!

I work for an ad trafficking company, so occasionally the abbreviated titles on some of the ads can be hilarious, gross, or in some cases both.

We recently had a spot titled “Ice Cream Chicken,” which of course had many of us nauseas at the thought of chicken flavored ice cream. Of course, once the initial wave of nausea passed, we wondered what would they use to give the ice cream that extra hint of chicken. Chicken fat? Chicken juice? Chicken bouillon? Perhaps minced chicken? Would finding a bone shard in there be equal to finding half a cookie in some cookies and cream ice cream?

Well, no sooner did we start discussing this, and the fact that no one would ever be so desperate for new flavors, so extreme in their flavor explosions that they would turn a delicious afternoon treat into a dinner nightmare, that I hopped onto Google, used my old library research skills, and found this:

Yeah, it’s Japanese. But, according to the Mainichi Daily News, this is indeed Chicken Ice Cream. They had this to say:

Chicken Ice Cream(Kochin Chikin Aisu)It’s ice cream like this that almost makes you wish the horrible thought that the avian flu that swept through Japan earlier this year had been a bit more effective. The taste of Chicken Ice Cream goes a long way toward explaining why the birds are described as foul. Though undoubtedly a tasty meat, you’ll need to be anything but chicken to get through this ice cream.

I wish the gross stopped there, but if you go visit the site, they have an entire photojournal of gross and disgusting (for us anyways) ice cream flavors.  You’ll just have to go visit yourself to see what our friends to the East consider a tasty treat.

And for the record, the spot we had was a Friendly’s spot advertising their ice cream sundaes and chicken fingers, and unfortunately NOT Friendly’s new chicken ice cream.  So disappointing. 

Chicago on a Tuesday

I’ve been slack in my duties.  When I started with Two Bites, I was hoping to do a post a day, but I keep forgetting that I have a “job” and a “life” outside of writing about food.  Until I can actually create my own bakery, I guess I’ll just have to do the best I can.

But, this past week saw a ridiculous amount of food being eaten between Katie and myself.  Joined by our friends Elaine and Anna, we literally spent the day eating.  Katie had a well deserved day off, and so I also took the day, and we headed to Chicago to check out the newly opened farmers market, possibly my favorite part of summer.  It was too bad that aside from some baby greens and potatoes, the majority of the offerings were either baked goods or flowers.  I had promised her such an amazing experience that I completely forgot the majority of the foods don’t come out until mid-June.  At least I bought me some Garlic Herb Cheese Curds.  While Katie may believe these morsels from the heavens to be the most disgusting thing around, I could eat an entire bag in one sitting if you gave me the chance.

But, as for the restaurants we discovered:

Taza Cafe
176 N Franklin Street
Chicago, IL 60606
(312) 201-9885

I’m personally always on the hunt for a good falafel sandwich.  I’m addicted.  As I’ve mentioned, I loved The Olive Branch in Naperville (R.I.P.), and Haifa Cafe on Wells was a decent alternative until recently.  On my last visit there, I saw a health code violation warning posted alerting people to the fact that aside from not having a proper toilet, they didn’t properly clean their utensils.  As if that wasn’t warning enough, the falafel I had that day was dry, and the sandwich was just beyond mediocre.  I’ll miss you Haifa, but not that much, because I found Taza.

Taza Cafe is located near the corner of Randolph and Franklin.  The storefront is small, definitely a quick lunch type of place.  They offer the range of typical Mediterranean foods from Shwarma to Falafel.  One of the highlights is the freshly made pita chips, covered in spice and just crispy enough.  Falafel is merely 40 cents a piece, making that the best bargain on the already affordable menu.

And what really won me over was the friendliness of the owner.  Katie and I sat at one of the few tables in the place, this one closest to the food prep area.  He came over, asked if it was our first time here, and wanted to make sure that everything was okay.  I told him I worked a few blocks away, and have been looking for a good Mediterranean place for ages, and I’d definitely be coming back.  He was overjoyed to hear that, and told me he hoped to see me again, and to make sure I brought friends.

Good service, more and more is what’s winning me over to places.  In this instance it was good service AND good food that guarantees I’ll be back, but I’ll always pick a place with mediocre/decent food and friendly service over GOOD food and CRAPPY service.  Quality of food will never make up for bad service.  That’s why I’ll never eat at a restaurant owned by Bobby Flay, that cocky bastard.

The Handlebar
2311 W. North Ave.
Chicago, IL 60647
773.384.9546

After lunch, we wandered Chicago a bit before picking up our friend Elaine from work.  She was in charge of finding a place for dinner.  Of her three choices, I made an executive decision and picked Handlebar, because I wanted to stick around the general area to get some dessert at Hot Chocolate.  I’m glad I made that decision.

We started the meal with soy chorizo and black bean nachos, topped with fresh avocado.  Delicious.  The combination of black beans, pico de gallo, chorizo, sour cream and avocado could have made a meal unto itself.  I almost regret ordering more food, because by the end of the meal I realized I should have made that my meal.  Up next, I ordered their portobello mushroom tacos, again topped with fresh avocado.  Katie ordered the Seitan BBQ sandwich with a side of gouda macaroni and cheese.  My tacos were tasty, but not necessarily anything special.  Katie’s sandwich, however, was beyond hearty, and the gouda mac and cheese was a nice mellow compliment to the BBQ spice.  Elaine ordered a simple soy chicken salad, which she quite liked.

The Handlebar was a nice place, but apparently gets a little crazier once the bike messengers get off work.  As it was, the place was nice and empty, letting us enjoy our conversation.

Hot Chocolate
1747 North Damen Ave
Chicago, IL 60647
773.489.1747

Dessert was at the James Beard Award winner, Hot Chocolate.  If you live in Chicago and like dessert you’ve heard of Hot Chocolate.  Like me, you’ve just never gotten there yet.  Tuesday, we finally made it.  We met our friend Anna there, who had helped herself to a heaping plate of mussels for dinner.  She wanted to make sure she caught up to us so we could all have dessert together.

Now, this place is definitely a higher end dessert restaurant.  You’re paying for “creations” which usually means smaller portions, but surprisingly everything we had was still filling.  I started with the Chocolate #2, a piece of dark chocolate cake, accompanied with two chocolate cannoli filled with coconut creme, and two espresso ice cream filled bon bons.  I hate both espresso AND coconut, but both of those desserts were outstanding.  Katie ordered the American Classic, otherwise known as the Cake and a Shake.  It was a small shake shot served with a piece of dark chocolate cake.  The shake tasted minty, but otherwise the dish was delicious.  Elaine with a lighter lemon dish, reminiscent of a lemon whip.  The tartness reminded me of key lime pie, which always wins me over.  Anna’s dish was the most interesting of the night.  Called Thoughts on Cherry it featured four different desserts to mirror the seasons.

The best part about going out to eat with friends who love food is that nearly instantly all food is shoved into the middle and there’s sampling between everyone.  That’s real friendship, when you’re wiling to share your cooties with each other.

Coming up next?  Our trip to the new Wicker Park eatery Crust, Coco Rouge and Letizia’s Bakery.

Pizza in Romeoville

I thought I’d talk a bit about the pizza places around Romeoville, especially since I just gorged at Old World Original Pizza & Fat Ricky’s this afternoon. I have my favorites, my least favorites, and one that fills both of those categories. I’ll start with that one first.

Fat Ricky’s is a real conundrum, because I actually can’t stand most of their pizza. Above anything else, it’s bland and flavorless. Adding fresh garlic was almost enough to make their thin crust a passable meal when we ordered it last. Their pan pizza is the same deal, just with more bread, and somehow LESS cheese.

But, here’s why I’ll always go back. I LOVE their Double Decker pizza. I don’t know what makes it so different from their other pizzas, but it’s one of my favorites in town. I assume they use the same ingredients, basically laying two pizzas onto each other. It’s not rocket science.

So, again, what makes it different? Is it the extra sauce? Is it that I request extra cheese? Do they secretly stuff marijuana between the layers, creating a magical pie of delicious delirium? Maybe that’s why I see colors every time I eat one of their pizzas.

I honestly haven’t tried the rest of their food. Katie said the chicken tenders were decent and our friend Sabrina likes their Buffalo Chicken Salad (ranch dressing on the side). The garlic bread is mega crunchy, which isn’t how I prefer it, but was still pretty tasty. One day I’ll get adventurous and try something new.

My favorite all around pizza place in Romeoville, though, is Rosati’s. I’ve never had a bad pie from their. I love their stuffed pizza, and especially love their deep dish, which is cooked up like something from Gino’s East. I have had other food there, so I can personally vouch for their calzones and eggplant Parmesan sandwiches as tasty. The 2.75 slice and a pop lunch deal is pretty nice as well.

My least favorite, and apparently I’m in the minority in this one, is At’s-A-Nice Pizza. Talk about a greasy pie. Even as a kid, I was never wowed by their food. I preferred anything over eating it. Hell, I’d rather eat Pizza Hut than At’s-A-Nice. I remember having to use a napkin to sponge up grease on any piece I ate. The flavor was always just okay. And I can get “okay” pizza anywhere. If I’m spending money, I’d like something a little better.

There’s also a couple places that I’m not including, because I either haven’t eaten there in years, or I don’t remember much about their food. Michael’s Pizza actually used to be my favorite pizza in the area. I was convinced that there was crack in their sauce, because I’d even eat that stuff stone cold. That was actually the only pizza I’ve ever eaten straight from the refrigerator. It turns out that it wasn’t crack, but according to someone who worked there, it was beef grease added to the sauce. Being a vegetarian, that pretty much ended my love affair with that particular chain right there.

And finally, I know I’ve eaten from Giovanny’s. I remember going in and picking up a pizza from there, but for the life of me, I can’t remember what it tastes like. I remember saying I enjoyed it, so I’d probably recommend it over At’s-A-Nice or Michael’s, but I cannot give an honest report. So I won’t. So there.

Of course, none of these places beat the pizza we’ve had from either Pizzeria D.O.C. or Homemade Pizza Co. in Chicago. I’m not a fan of thin crust, but Pizzeria D.O.C. makes some of the best potato and rosemary thin crust around; and don’t get me started about the Wild Mushroom pizza from Homemade Pizza Co. I have, and I will eat an entire pizza from those two places by myself. Luckily Homemade Pizza Co. is opening a couple locations in Naperville shortly, so I’ll be able to get it more often.

Just remember, as my friend Anna learned, it’s called Homemade for a reason. They prepare it fresh, but you have to cook it yourself. Don’t make the same mistakes!

Doritos Project X13-D

**NOTE – Burger King is filling your hamburger chip void!**

Today, I have gaped into hell itself and tasted its unholy snack foods. Today, my friends, I tasted Doritos Project X-13D, their new attempt at getting gullible people like me to buy more chips we don’t need. And, I can now say I’ve had the most disgusting junk food I’ve ever eaten.

I’ve never come as close to vomiting over a snack chip as I did today. The last time I nearly lost it was when we decided to drink year old Jone’s Holiday Soda, and I gave up after the Buttered Roll bottle. But, that was at least of my own doing.

This. This was just cruel.

I’m going to divulge the secrets of Project X13-D, so beware spoiler warnings…

…

…

You’ve been warned!

…

Cheese burger! The secret flavor was fucking CHEESE BURGER! I SHOULD have read the ingredients first, saving me the misery and upset stomach. But NO, Mike had to go and buy some mystery meat product. What would I have found out if I bothered to read the ingredients? I would have learned there were things like artificial beef flavor and BEEF TALLOW dusted onto these chips. I would have learned I’d be eating powdered tomato, mustard seed and pickle. And my favorite, aside from the beef tallow, is the artificial wheat flavor they added for that small hint of bun.

Project X13-D is different things to different people. For some, like myself, the chips taste of ketchup. For others, pickle. One guy at my office tasted hot dog. One guy just kept shaking his head, muttering “That’s just not right. That’s just not right.” We found him, hours later gorging on Cheetos in hopes he could erase this horrible episode from his memory.

This all happened within the span of one chip for most of us. I soldiered on, even after opening the bag and knowing, just knowing, this wasn’t going to end well. Of everyone in my office, only one guy said they tasted good, and finished one bag, happily taking a second bag someone else bought.

So, why name it Project X13-D? Marketing! You can taste the mystery flavor, then go to their website and NAME the flavor! 100 lucky(?) people will win free Doritos for a year, as well as become an official taste tester for future Doritos products. You can enter one new name a day until July 14. And you’re damn right I added mine. But here’s a list of some of the rejected names we came up with:

• Hooves and Assholes Doritos
• Thrill Dill Doritos
• Vomit Inducing Doritos
• Pooooooooo
• “Frank”-ly My Dear, I Don’t Give a Dorito

If we win, here in my cave, we even have an entire ad campaign ready to go. And….action.

Picture two guys (Chris and Mike) against a white background. Close-up on Mike.

Mike: Ever since we came up with the winning name for Doritos new flavor, we’ve become a lot more popular. We’ve even been asked to be in this ad, with former Doritos spokesperson, Carmen Electra.

Camera pans back, revealing Chris in a powerful make-out session with Carmen. He senses the camera on him, breaks the kiss and stares over at Mike.

Chris: WHAT?!

Graphic: (Insert Winning Flavor Name) Doritos

End

Moonstruck Chocolate Cafe – Chicago, IL

I’m torn about Moonstruck Chocolate Cafe. I love the idea of a chocolate cafe. Who wouldn’t? I love the atmosphere inside the place, and the service is usually quite friendly. So why am I torn? Because, while I love the drinks they offer, the truffles we’ve had there have been hit or miss.

We first discovered Moonstruck at the annual chocolate festival held at Garfield Park Conservatory. They were one of the highlights in an otherwise overcrowded cluster fuck of a festival. So, we decided we’d have to make sure we visited their actual storefront one day.

Which, of course, didn’t happen until months after making that decision. My first real memory of Moonstruck was discovering their Chocolate Chai Latte on a colder afternoon before work. I’m a sucker for a good chai latte, and adding chocolate to one of my favorite drinks is just like a little birthday present to me. It’s a delicious drink, the spices blending perfectly with the chocolate and milk. It’s a perfect winter drink.

This past week I discovered their perfect summer drink, the Peanut Butter Shake. I’m a confessed peanut butter and chocolate addict, so this blend of peanut butter, dark chocolate, and ice cream was right up my alley. I’ve been trying my hardest not to go there every day for one of those things, and I’ve been succeeding, if only because at 5 bucks a crack, I’d be whoring myself out for a fix by the end of the year.

Now, if I could end the review there, you’d wander away happy. I haven’t tried their coffee drinks (because coffee is the gross), but if they’re anything like the drinks I have had, you wouldn’t be disappointed. But, BUT, the pastries and truffles we’ve tried have only been okay. The cookie Katie tried this past weekend was a little dry, and stingy on the caramel filling. The pastries all look inventive and fun, like the chocolate mousse pyramid, but none of the ones we’ve tried have blown us away.

The same can be said for the truffles. The extra-bittersweet chocolate truffle is easily our favorite, and that appears to be their simplest truffle. We also enjoyed the Bailey’s Irish Creme Truffle, but I don’t think the marshmallow works in the Hot Fudge Sundae Truffle. I couldn’t really tell what set the French Silk Pie Truffle apart from the simpler chocolate truffles.

We’ve tried a decent amount of them now, having been back a few times, and we’re still on the fence about how we feel. We have noticed, however, that our mothers, aunts and grandmothers who never visit the city are duly impressed by the selection and style that Moonstruck offers whenever we give them as gifts. So, maybe we’re jaded, or just looking for something with a little more flavor to go along with the looks, but Moonstruck Chocolate Cafe seems to be a hit with the 1,000 housewives army.

Moonstruck Chocolate Cafe
320 N. Michigan Ave
Chicago, IL 60601
312.696.1201

Kuma’s Corner – Chicago, IL

I am not your typical foodie. In fact, I hate that term.  I love food, and finding good food.  I’m not up with what’s hip. I get overwhelmed with trying to research places. So, I rely on word of mouth from friends, magazines, and the like. Such is the case with Kuma’s Corner, recommended to me by my friend Steve. He left me a note that if I wanted a better burger than Red Robin to go check out this small pub on the corner of Belmont and Francisco Avenues. And now, I write this review with great trepidation, because I almost want to help keep this place a secret. It was so good that I don’t want to share.

I did some searching around online and discovered that they were voted the best pub burger in Chicago by Time Out Magazine. And after being there, it’s easy to see why; their burgers are all named after metal bands, and the toppings selection range from 4-Cheese to egg covered to bleu cheese dressing with walnuts, apples and cranberries. But the variety isn’t the draw (although it is a great variety), it’s the fact that Kuma’s Corner serves up some of the best food with some of the friendliest service we’ve ever seen.

Steve warned me that the earlier we could get there, the better, because it fills up quickly. We arrived around 5, and thankfully the place was pretty much empty. Mostly it was regulars hanging out at the bar bullshitting with each other, metal music playing overhead.

I hate bars. I hate the crowd and the shouting and the claustrophobia of the entire atmosphere. But Kuma’s, at least during the afternoon/early evening, is a place I could see myself walking to for a drink. I’ve always preferred the pub idea to the American bar scene. Give me a place with old Englishmen and dark corners any day of the week. So, needless to say, I was enamored before we even ordered.

We skipped the appetizers and went directly for the burgers. This was partly because there wasn’t a vegetarian thing to be found for an appetizer, and partly because we were ravenous for our metal burgers. Our waitress, tattooed and pierced like all the staff, told us not to worry; the beer and burger menu could be overwhelming to newcomers. I asked her for her favorite burger, and she told me she loved the Dark Throne if she was feeling particularly masochistic. She said she loved hot foods, but that even makes her sweat. I silently wept, because that was my burger of choice, but my stomach wasn’t in the mood for a 5-Alarm rumble. I, instead, ordered the Iron Maiden, a burger (of the gardenburger variety in my case) topped with avocado, cherry peppers, pepper jack cheese, and chipotle mayo. I asked for “frizzled” onions on mine, because anytime you can add deep fried onions to something, the better a time will be had. I also ordered a Three Floyds Alpha King, since it was on draft, and highly recommended by our friend Brook. Katie ordered the Pig Destroyer, which was as the name says. It was a pulled pork sandwich with BBQ sauce. Her drink of choice was the Rogue “Dead Guy.”

After a slight wait, the burgers came out, and the Pavlovian dog in us couldn’t wait to dig in. We had forgotten the burgers were also served on a pretzel roll. Hot holy damn, those fresh pretzel rolls tasted good.

And the burgers. Oh the burgers. They were, and I don’t say this often because I hate the word, divine. I still don’t like that word. Scratch that. They were godly. They were also huge. I couldn’t even see my burger under the pile of frizzled onions. Katie’s burger had so much pork she had to eat her sandwich open faced, with a fork and knife, although there are photos of her trying her damndest to eat it normally. My burger had just the right amount of kick and crunch. The avocado was fresh, and provided a nice counterbalance to the spice of the peppers. I was worried the mayo would be noticeable, but luckily for this mayo hater that wasn’t the case. It instead added a nice third level of spice to the burger. And as I said, you can’t go wrong with fried onions.

…she told me she loved the Dark Throne if she was feeling particularly masochistic…

The French fries were cut and seasoned potatoes, prepared fresh. Not quite steak fries, but thicker than the stringy McDonald’s variety, they were also quite tasty. The only problem I noticed was they went from hot to cold rather quickly.

The waitress talked us into dessert as well, which was a 4-Layer chocolate cake in our case. There was a small mix-up in the kitchen, making us a wait a bit. The chef thought she ordered a Slayer burger, and not a Layer cake. She apologized, and bullshitted with us a bit about the silliness of the situation, which made me like the place even more. The cake, by the way, was tasty, but not amazing. I wasn’t expecting much though, because it’s a freakin’ pub. I came there for the burgers. The cake was just a nice topper to the dinner.

I told Katie that I’ve haven’t been so satiated after a meal in a very long time. Not only was the food amazing, but so were the service and the ambience. I can see why the people in the neighborhood want to keep this place a secret. I’d be down there every afternoon myself if I lived in the area. It felt like a part of home, which is definitely not something I say often. I can’t wait to get back there.

Kuma’s Corner
2900 W. Belmont Ave.
Chicago, IL 60618
Ph. 773.604.8769
Fax. 773.604.8768

Pop Rocks On My Brain

A few Saturdays ago, Katie and I discovered a nice little surprise in the otherwise gentrified downtown Naperville area: Naper Nuts and Sweets. Set up like an old penny candy store, one wall is lined with a ridiculous amount of novelty candy. From Big League Chew to chocolate covered grasshoppers, the wall runs the gamut of crazy. On the opposite wall, behind the counter are dozens of glass bowls, full of sugar and chocolate utopia. I couldn’t keep track of everything they had, but when you see Jalapeno Jelly Bellies, you know you’re in good hands.

I, of course, was drawn to the novelty candy like Rascal to tinfoil. I scoured the shelves looking for things to buy, and write about. What would people like to read, I asked myself. I’m sure you would LOVE to hear about my experience with chocolate covered grasshoppers, but that will never happen. Aside from being a vegetarian, I find the idea of eating bugs, how do you say, icky.

But then I saw it. The magic words. Limited Edition. That the words were attached to a bag of chocolate covered Pop Rocks only made the deal that much sweeter. I bummed 2 bucks off Katie (because I was broke), and trotted out of there like a kid who just found the ultimate candy store.

Now, before you judge, realize that I too was a little concerned about what was in that bag. Was it Pop Rocks flavored like chocolate? I hate artificial chocolate flavor, as my Bubble Yum experience will attest. But, it was something better. Inside that magical little bag were Pop Rock covered in chocolate. You pop them into your mouth, and you get to pretend you’re eating a piece of milk chocolate. But once the chocolate milks, the Pop Rock awesomeness takes over. While not as pronounced as the typical mouth full of Pop Rocks, you still got to have that little tiny rock opus. As I said, awesomeness.

What wasn’t awesome? The Pop Rocks on a Roll that I bought a few days later. Talk about pointless, unsatisfying, and lame. First of all, you have to do it yourself. Unless it’s a candy stick being dipped into sugar, I don’t want to DIY my junk food. The package contains a fruit roll-up and a small bag of Pop Rocks, that due to humidity are actually one giant Pop Landmass. You have to unroll the fruit roll, and apply the Pop Rocks yourself, rolling it back up to get the full effect.

Here’s where the problem lies. The Pop Rock to fruit roll ratio is so small that you never get enough Pop Rocks in your mouth to have a teeth-shattering experience. You mostly get a fruit roll up that’s a little crunchy. And really, who’s enjoyed a fruit roll up past fifth grade?

What have we learned today? Chocolate Pop Rocks = Awesome. Pop Rocks on a Roll = Lame-O.

Cilantro Mexican Grill & Bar – Romeoville, IL

If there’s two types of restaurants I’m constantly on the lookout for, it’s a good Mexican and good Indian food. Although, I’m always looking for some Chinese food, too. And pizza. And Italian.

Fuck. That’s not going to work.

I’m always looking for a better Mexican restaurant. You can’t go wrong with a place that puts a good enchilada in front of you. You just can’t. Well, you could, if they also unleashed a rabid badger at the same time they delivered your food. But, that’s why you come to sites like mine where I would personally warn you about rabid badgers being released while you eat. I don’t want to cause you harm. I love you. Deeply.

…

Awkward.

Cilantro Mexican Grill & Bar is right next to Crispy Waffle as I mentioned a few weeks ago. I hope that the area around both of these restaurants builds up soon, if only because one is outstanding, and one was above average. That, and I love seeing independently owned places survive amongst the chain restaurants in smaller suburbs.

Cilantro is an above average experience. They’re a more formal restaurant than your typical Mexican joints. The seating is split into a small area by the windows, giving you a more intimate experience than the other half of the restaurant, which is set up more like a typical restaurant. But, the natural lighting and the large tree that grows above you in the smaller area is something you should ask for if possible.

On our first visit, we ordered Taquitos De Papa as an appetizer. Delivered in a fun, flower-like presentation over lettuce and tomatoes, with a side of sour cream; they were fresh, hot and crunchy. But, the potato filling was blander than we would have liked. They were a nice precursor to our meal, but didn’t wow us.

Our main dishes, enchiladas, were a different story. The Tres Quesos Enchiladas (panela, chihuahua and queso fresco) was served with a tangy salsa verde, and Katie’s Pollo de Mole Enchiladas were smothered in a cinnamony (a newly invented word) sauce. The salsa verde took a little getting used to, because it was powerful tangy; but once I adjusted, I couldn’t eat them fast enough. The three cheeses blended together smoothly, accented nicely by the salsa. Aside from wanting more cinnamon in her mole, Katie also liked her meal.

The big winner though was the side of sweet potato fries we ordered on a lark. Holy sweet crap. Delicious. They were lightly battered, reminding me of Tempura, and cooked just right. I could have made a meal of those alone.

Our second trip was with one of Katie’s coworkers. Her husband and she wanted to meet us for lunch, and we recommended Cilantro. This time around, I tried their veggie burrito “smothered” in cheese. Katie stuck with her enchiladas, and her friends ordered the beef tostadas.

Why did I order the burrito? I don’t know. I never like veggie burritos. I hate grilled vegetables. I think the grill saps the flavor from the veggies, leaving them all tasting like grill, or even worse, some weird, nameless, homogeneous vegetable. The closest I can come is Chipotle’s fajita burrito, and that’s because I ask for enough of their addictive rice to choke a horse, or explode a bird.

The salsa verde took a little getting used to, because it was powerful tangy

The burrito was decent, and large, but I doubt I’d order it again. It wasn’t bad, it’s just my personal bias against the veggies. I’m sure anyone else would think it was excellent. Although, save your dollar and don’t bother with the cheese smotherification (another new word!). They, quite literally, melt a single piece of Mexican cheese over the burrito. It definitely wasn’t smothered. And with all the other flavors of the burrito, good luck tasting it anyways.

I like Cilantro, but I don’t love it. If we’re looking for a nice place to grab some good sit-down Mexican food, we’d definitely go back there. The service was adequate, the atmosphere nice, and the food was good. Plus those sweet potato fries. Goddamn those tasty fries. If you were on the fence about visiting Cilantro, let my love of those fries push you over. You won’t be sorry.

Red Robin’s Wheel of Cheese

Gather round children, and listen to the story of one man who foolishly tread where few mortals dare. It happened on a day much like today, in a town much like your town. The place…Red Robin. The burger…the Burger Parmigiana.

For those of you that don’t know me, years ago I fell in love with a burger at Bennigans. Called the Wheel House Burger, it was, in my case, a large gardenburger topped with a deep fried cheese wheel the size of the burger, which was then topped with marinara sauce and parmesan cheese. It was massive. It was the icon of American excess. It was delicious.

My mind had been made up. I would take another year off my life.

Then, one day it was gone. The burger that was without question clogging every artery in my system was no where to be found on the menu.

When the waitress came by, I asked her, “So, is the reason it’s not on the menu because so many people were dropping dead in the restaurant?”

Not realizing I was joking, she replied, “Yeah, probably.”

That was it. The burger was gone. My utopian world had been shattered. I searched for years for information about the burger to little success.

Until this past winter, when Katie and I went to our favorite chain restaurant, Red Robin. Their menu was touting a new Burger Parmigiana. They may have added some condiments (garlic mayo and peppers), but here it was, back in my life. Katie had concerns about me ordering it the first time, mostly that my heart (or something more south) would explode. With guarantees that I was only planning on eating half the burger she wiped her hands of the affair. The waitress came, and the burger was ordered (minus the disgusting sounding garlic mayo).

Served on ciabatta bread with roasted peppers and onions, the cheese wheel is served on the burger, topped with marinara sauce and more parmesan cheese. The cheese seemed less fried, the bread less filling, and ultimately doesn’t quite live up to the memories of the Wheel House burger. Bust, is it still tasty? Oh yeah. The burger is full of flavors and quite filling (especially since I eat far less than I used to).

I’m sure I still knocked a year off my life eating that thing, but I’m glad I did. I’d probably do it again, too. You can’t go wrong with fried cheese on a sandwich. It’s a winning combination.

Cut to yesterday. I met up with a friend that I haven’t seen in years at Red Robin. I was all set to order the Banzai Burger, my standby, but lo and behold, they’ve added Garlic Parmesan steak fries to the Burger Parmigiana. My mind had been made up. I would take another year off my life.

It was a little sloppier than the previous one. My cheese wheel had exploded, mixing with the marinara sauce, which seemed to drown my burger this time around. And the garlic mayo is completely unnecessary. The fries didn’t pack the punch I was hoping for either. I wanted GARLIC fries, and I ended up with slightly seasoned fries instead. They were good, but not great. In retrospect, I should have stuck with the banzai burger, or perhaps turned to the returning Peppercorn burger.

I love Red Robin. It’s basically the only major chain restaurant I really enjoy going to on a regular basis. They have such a wide variety of burgers that it’s hard not to find something to love. And they even cover the vegetarians, which is why they get such a winning review from me. You can get a gardenburger or Boca burger in the place of the meat on any of the burgers. Don’t like burgers, they have salads and pasta, and now they’ve added a three cheese macaroni and cheese. Plus, hey, bottomless steak fries. You can never go wrong with bottomless steak fries.

Red Robin
250 S Weber Rd
Bolingbrook, IL 60440
(630) 759-3036

About Page Updated

For those of you looking to see who the mop-headed wizard is behind this page, and his much more photogenic better half; I’ve just updated, more like created, the about us page.  Give it a looksee.