Two Bites in Suburbia – Episode 3: Judgement Donkey

Twobitme interviews Gordon Ramsay!

Twobitme and K80 also discuss some of their favorite pizza around Chicago and its suburbs, but not before reviewing Molly’s Cupcakes and Purgatory Pizza on the North Side.

*Show Notes Will Be Up Later This Afternoon*

E-mail us: twobitesinsuburbia@gmail.com

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Chocolate Dipped, Red Velvet Cake Balls

There’s no more a sure fire way to turn an entire office into a giggling bunch of grade school kids than to bring in any ball-shaped dessert.  Ball jokes have been flying at me fast and furious since 2 PM.  A small sampling of quotes from my coworkers:

“Mike, can I try your balls?” — “Your balls taste delicious!” — “Your balls are so creamy!” — “I love your balls!” — “I was told to come try your balls.” — “Have you had Mike’s balls?”

I thought it had stopped, but I just had another coworker pop in and congratulate me about how delicious my balls were.

I’m calling it.  8 hours is officially my threshold for ball jokes.  I didn’t think there could be a limit. I didn’t think a man could get tired of having his balls complimented.  But there is.  And yes I can.

But seriously, these balls?  They ARE delicious.  With a capital D.  Full of sugar goodness, it will definitely be added to the imaginary menu of my imaginary cafe. Two Bites In!  Look for it the summer after I learn how to run and maintain a business!

I originally saw a simpler recipe for these over on Bakerella.  Her recipe would definitely save a busy person some time, but I like to make my life difficult.  Where she uses packaged mixes and frosting, I decided to do this all from scratch.  Yes, maybe I do have too much free time some days.  It’s either bake, or sit through the Maury Povich-Steve Wilkos-Jerry Springer power block.

I harvested a couple of my previous successful recipes for this.  The Red Velvet cake recipe originally came from the Food Network, home to Mrs. McCain’s Family Favorites.  The frosting recipe came from Nigella Lawson’s Guiness Stout Cake.  The main difference?  I added a full 1 3/4 cups of powdered sugar to add some extra sweet (read: diabetic) consistency.

For the chocolate, you can use whatever.  I prefer using Ghiardelli baking chocolate but I was out, forcing me to use 1 1/2 lbs. of Toll House Chocolate chips.  People didn’t care.  Chocolate is chocolate as far as the hungry masses go.

The best thing to do is to roll the balls out onto some wax paper, and toss them into the freezer to let them harden up a bit before dipping them in the chocolate.  Send ‘em back to the big freeze to let the chocolate harden.

These things keep perfectly in the freezer.  People couldn’t actually tell they came FROM the freezer.  And seriously, you’ll need to put some away.  I was able to make over 5 dozen pieces.  That’s a lot of balls to have laying around the house unrefrigerated.

Ha.  Balls.

Chocolate Covered Red Velvet Cake Balls

Red Velvet Cake

• 1 cup vegetable shortening
• 2 eggs
  
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
  
• 1 teaspoon cocoa powder
  
• 2 – 3 ounces red food coloring (Depending on how red you want it to look)
  
• 2 1/2 cups cake flour
  
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1 cup buttermilk
  
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon vinegar
  

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.In the bowl of a mixer, cream together the shortening, eggs and sugar. In a separate small bowl, mix together the cocoa and food coloring. Add the paste to the shortening mixture. Sift the flour and salt together over parchment. Add to the batter alternately with the buttermilk in 3 additions. Add the vanilla extract. Fold in the baking soda and vinegar. Pour the batter into 2 greased 9-inch cake pans. Bake for 30 minutes or until an inserted cake tester comes out clean. Let cool on a cooling rack. Invert the cakes from the pans.

Cream Cheese Frosting

• 2 cups powdered sugar
• 8 oz. cream cheese, at room temperature
• 1/2 cups heavy cream

Sift powdered sugar in medium-sized mixing bowl to break up any lumps. Add the cream cheese and mix until smooth. Mix in the cream until well blended.

Cake Ball Directions

1 1/2 lbs. Chocolate of your choosing.

After the cake has cooled completely (I toss mine in the fridge), crumble into a large bowl, mixing with the cream cheese.  Use your hands.  There’s no good way to do it otherwise.  Yes.  It is messy.  Get over it.  Let mixture chill in the fridge for a few hours to guarantee it will keep the ball shape.  Roll out mixture into quarter size balls and lay on wax paper covered cookie sheet. Toss into the freezer for an hour or so to set.

Melt chocolate in microwave per directions on package.  It’s safest to do it 20-30 seconds at a time and mix between each heating to make sure it’s melting properly.

Roll balls in chocolate and lay on wax paper until firm. (Use a spoon or forx to dip and roll the balls in chocolate, tapping off the extra.)

Makes between 50-60 balls.

Again.  Ha.  Balls.

Purgatory Pizza – Chicago, IL

Main Entry: pur·ga·to·ry
Pronunciation: \ˈpər-gə-ˌtȯr-ē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural pur·ga·to·ries
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French or Medieval Latin; Anglo-French purgatorie, from Medieval Latin purgatorium, from Late Latin, neuter of purgatorius purging, from Latin purgare
Date: 13th century

1. an intermediate state after death for expiatory purification; specifically : a place or state of punishment wherein according to Roman Catholic doctrine the souls of those who die in God’s grace may make satisfaction for past sins and so become fit for heaven
2. a place or state of temporary suffering or misery
3. Iron Maiden’s fifth single
4. Chicago Celtic Punk band The Tossers fourth studio album.
5. 1999 western fantasy film directed by Uli Edel.

I think we discovered how Purgatory Pizza got their name.  This Uli Edel inspired Wrigleyville pizza place is ripe with imagery from his classic Western film set in the eponymous town, paying special dedication to Randy Quaid and Eric Roberts.

Isn’t it sad that Body of Evidence was so universally reviled that Mr. Edel was banished to the world of procedural dramas directors after it came out?  Poor guy.  Madonna is not afraid to leave a trail of bodies in her quest to add to her resume of bad film acting!

Actually, Purgatory Pizza would be aptly named because the wait time for your food can be a little trying.  Depending on how hungry you are, it can be downright maddening.  In our case, it took so long, time actually reversed, our hunger completely looped itself, and we were hungry no longer.

Located across from the Pick Me Up Cafe up in Wrigleyville (so good luck finding parking until fall!), Purgatory actually earned its name from the painted flames of hell shooting from the floor turning into the white, fluffy clouds of heaven.  It’s a fun idea for a restaurant, without being nearly as tacky as it could be.  Could you imagine the same idea in the hands of an Applebee’s like company?  All that plastic heaven/hell themed crap everywhere makes the mind boggle.

We met up with our friends, N8 and Elaine, Sunday night to check out the newly opened pizzeria.  The buzz had been positive, and we were all looking for something new to try.  They arrived 5-10 minutes before us, ordering appetizers as we crawled around the neighborhood looking for some post-game parking.  Luckily it was post-game just enough that the area was nearly empty, making parking at least a plausible idea.

We shared hellos with our friends, who told us they had already ordered appetizers.  We ordered a couple Sweet Teas and tucked ourselves in with visions of thin crust dancing in our heads.  And then the waiting started.  For mozzarella sticks and bread sticks, the total wait time was easily 20 minutes, if not a few minutes longer.  We originally scratched it up to it being a Sunday after the game, but the place was surprisingly empty for it being nearly 7 PM.

The sweet tea arrived, and after just one sip, we realized that tea must have been sitting out a little TOO long in the sun, or some other such fate.  It had the bitter taste that only spoiled tea has.  But hey, free refills!  Elaine was just as unpleased with her Ginger Ale.  We were really starting to worry that our random  restaurant selection would be a huge bust.

We placed our orders for the pizzas, N&E ordering a thin crust Zeal pizza: eggplant, squash, zucchini, artichoke hearts, roasted red peppers, mozzarella.  We ordered the Purgatory pie, a choose-your-own-adventure of pizza goodness.  Our choices: spinach, feta, sun dried tomatoes and fresh garlic, were stuffed in between two layers of their special thin crust (special because of the PBR used in the mix).

The appetizers arrived, and our fears were allayed a bit.  These were some DAMN tasty cheese sticks!  And the bread sticks, while needing a little extra salt, were also pretty damn delicious.  They also both went quite quick.

We waited some more.  The pizza probably didn’t arrive for another 20-25 minutes, giving it a total cooking time of 45 minutes easy.  If they were both deep dish pizzas, we could understand, but with a thin crust, and an adapted thin crust, you would think they would have been out in 20 minutes.  But no.  We apparently hadn’t atoned enough for our dietary sins.

The pizza though?  Absolutely, without question, delicious.  The crust is light and crisp, looking much like fried won ton wrapper.  Who knew that adding some working class PBR to a pizza’s crust would make it so damn tasty?  I’m no fan of a pizza covered in vegetables, but the veggies on the Zeal pizza were actually individually full of flavor, not the green mushperonion non-flavor that usually plagues most veggie pies.  The Purgatory pizza was also a winner.  The flavors blended well together, so much so, that our pizza was declared the victor of the evening.

I would absolutely recommend checking out Purgatory Pizza…in a month or two.  With a list of nearly two dozen ingredients to mix and match, from  They just need to work some shit out in the kitchen, cutting down on the wait time for the food.  Because once they do, you’d be a damn fool not to add Purgatory to your rotation of regular pizza joints.

Episode 2: Not Responsible For 2nd Degree Cheese Burns

Get the new episode here! Or subscribe on iTunes (Pretty please?)

The Least Researched, Most Opinionated Podcast About Food in Chicago!

Two Bites in Suburbia returns for an action packed second episode as we discuss feedback from the premier episode, our favorite desserts, and Mike rants on about the stupidity of people on the internet.  We also review Veggie Bites, Miss Asia, Just Indulge and Berry Chill.

Notes And Links

• Two Bites In Suburbia
• Listener Feedback
  • Subscribing on iTunes
• Keith Olbermann’s Countdown
• Do chefs hate Vegetarians?  Part Two
  • Gordon Ramsay
• Restaurant Reviews
  • Miss Asia
  • Veggie Bites
  • Berry Chill
  • Just Indulge
• Omelet and Orgy Day
  • Steak & Blowjob Day
  • Cake & Cunnilingus Day
• Desserts
  • Chocolate Pizza Company
  • Tru
  • Blue Water Grill

E-mail us: twobitesinsuburbia@gmail.com

Join us: http://twobites.podbean.com

Subscribe at iTunes: http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=278683274

Two Bites In Suburbia – Episode 2 *Delayed*

We’re experiencing a slight technical problem with episode 2.  Audacity apparently hates the laptop we used to record Katie’s audio.  It’s in there, but it’s not coming out without a fight.

Hopefully, the episode will be finished up later tonight.

Wait for it!

National Grilled Cheese Month – Free Cheese!

It’s only good for today, so you best hurry. Kraft is offering up some free processed cheese for your fondest grilled cheese memory. Just fill out the form and you’re good to go!

National Grilled Cheese Month

The link comes courtesy of R. Stevens of Diesel Sweeties fame.

“An Omelet & An Orgy Day” – Vegetarians like food and sex too!

Okay. It’s all getting a little out of hand. I know all too well that many people consider Valentine’s Day a “woman’s holiday.” I’m not even going to pretend that’s nothing more than a dumb-ass theory held by a majority of my gender who also use that day as an their own personal day of forgiveness.

“Here,” they say, “I bought flowers and something shiny. Now, you can’t be mad that I was a crappy partner the other 364 days.” You can probably tell that Katie and I don’t celebrate the holiday. Most years, we’ve forgotten it was even happening. But, we’re also lucky enough to have a relationship where we show AND tell (get your mind out of the gutters) how much we love each other daily. We don’t need Hallmark or Fannie May or Helzberger to tell us it’s okay to do something nice for each other.

I vaguely remember hearing about the “man’s” response to Valentine’s Day last year, but marked it off as nothing more than another flash in the pan internet joke. Well, it’s still around. “Steak and a BJ” (NSFW) day is celebrated every March 14.

March 14th is now officially “Steak and Blowjob Day”. Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you care for him.

No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all, just a steak and a BJ. Thats it. Finally, this twin pair of Valentine’s Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March 14th!

Yeah. Maybe it’s all a joke. It probably is. I can almost guarantee it is. But, it’s still as stupid as it sounds. Because now the guys aren’t even getting the gifts for their girlfriends out of love. They’re doing it to get their own. Namely a nice porterhouse, and some oral fulfillment. Because real men love steaks! And blow jobs!

My friend Jen broke the news that yesterday was in fact the women’s response to “Steak and a BJ” day. April 14 is now “Cake and Cunnilingus Day.” (Also NSFW).

Why? Well, as some enterprising men have declared March 14 to be “Steak and Blowjob Day”, we women thought we’d get in on the act as well, a month later.

Cake and Cunnilingus Day is about celebrating female pleasure. It’s about putting our orgasms on the agenda and demanding pleasure equality!

What are male vegetarians supposed to do? We don’t eat steak, and we’re apparently not allowed dessert (happy endings don’t count). That leaves “Steak and a BJ Day” pretty much out.

Both “holidays” just seem so exclusive and segregating. So, you know what? If you can’t beat ‘em (HA), join ‘em! That’s why I’m introducing June 3 as “An Omelet & An Orgy Day.” If there’s an orgy, you’re going to need your protein, so why not an omelet? What goes in it, you decide! Go for some darker greens for their vitamins. Add your favorite cheese! Toss in some salsa for a mucho caliente approach!

But what makes this holiday great? You can celebrate even if you’re not a vegetarian! “An Omelet & An Orgy Day” is a “vegetarian-friendly sex holiday” that is all-inclusive. Worried about cholesterol? Use Egg Beaters or other egg replacers! Want some ham in there? Go on! It’s a day for everyone! Man or woman! Carnivore, herbivore or omnivore! I don’t care! Go get your damn omelet, grab your partner’s hand, bring along a couple of friends if you want, and THEIR friends if you’re feeling spry.

Eat the omelet and start that groping marathon. June 3! “An Omelet & An Orgy Day!” America, it’s time to come together! (Pun most definitely intended)

Hell. Fuck the omelet for all I care. Just wait until the cheese cools. I won’t be held responsible for burns.

Holy Poop, We Have Our Own Podcast

Katie and I did something crazy over the weekend.  We created our own Podcast.  We decided to see if its any fun, and surprisingly it is.  Is it fun for YOU to listen to?  We hope so. But, it is our first episode, so be kind to us.  We’re still working out the kinks.

The plus side?  It’s only 30 minutes long.  That’s barely a drive to Chicago from the suburbs. Subscribe and get the show notes, right over here.

Two Bites In Suburbia Episode 1

Two Bites Needs Your Help

We’re working on a project here in the lab, and we need some reader feedback.

It’s a simple question. Better 1 or better 2:

1. 
2. 

Leave your answer in the comments or e-mail us at twobitesinsuburbia at gmail dot com. There may be more coming as soon as I can find my drawing tablet.

Opinionated About Alinea & Avenues

It looks like Alinea and Avenues here in Chicago can add another bullet point on their award list. Opinionated About Dining just released their Top 100 Restaurants in North America and Europe with Alinea and Avenues both ranking up there.

Avenues is on our list of restaurants to visit, right after we quit our second jobs trying to recover from paying for Moto.

Other restaurants of note are Michel Richard’s Citronelle and Jose Andres’ Minibar in D.C., and Chez Panisse in Berkeley. Three other restaurants on our “to visit” lists when we were in both cities. Next time Andres! Next time Richard!

You can get a free copy of the full list over at Opinionated About Dining‘s website for signing up to take part in the 2009 survey.

A partial list of restaurants with rankings is under the cut.