Episode 10: Newspapers, Steel Wool & Sweet, Sweet Honey

It’s all restaurant reviews and self promotion in the epic 10th episode of Two Bites In Suburbia, still the most opinionated & least researched about the food and culture of the Chicago suburbs.

Links! Naperville Sun & Joliet Herald article about food bloggers.

Auld Dubliner in Bolingbrook

Honey Cafe in Glen Ellyn

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Limited Edition Rockin Nut Road Snickers

Limited Edition Rockin Nut Road Snickers

It wasn’t a good idea, nor did I think it was a good idea, but I grabbed one of the new Limited Edition Rockin Nut Road Snickers that I recently saw popping up at the local Walgreens (on sale 2 for a $1 this week!).  Why wasn’t it a good idea?  Because nothing, NOTHING, should be artificially flavored to taste like marshmallow.  If you want something to taste like marshmallow, use some effin’ marshmallow.  Nougat that’s been changed by some blood pact with Satan to taste only vaguely like marshmallow is a sin against nature.

Needless to say I wasn’t a huge fan of this candy bar.  The nougat was at times too chewy for its own good, the bar I bought barely had any caramel in it, and the normal peanuts of the Snickers shouldn’t have been replaced by the almonds, because they only added a third layer of touch-to-chew satisfaction to the equation.

Also?  20 minutes after eating it, not only did my breath still remind me what I just ate, but my stomach was also less than pleased with its contents.  Maybe if you’re REALLY into rocky road, this is a candy bar for you, but I’ll stick to the regular nougaty, caramelly goodness of the original Snickers, because in this case, they really do satisfy more than the new Limited Edition flavors.

Honey – Glen Ellyn, IL

I haven’t been to Glen Ellyn often.  It’s one of those cities that just never really hits my radar.  I can even tell you the last time I was there.  It was the summer of 2000.  I was but a young lad, new to the world of art house films.  My friends asked if I wanted to go see this movie, “Requiem for a Dream” they called it.  It was by the guy who directed Pi, they said.  It was about the evils of heroin they said.  It was a movie starring Marlon Wayons and Jennifer Connelly they said. Hey!  I had a disturbing crush on Jennifer Connelly!  I was totally in!

That day scarred me.  I couldn’t tell you if it was the old 1970′s theater we saw it in that made me wonder if I was reliving the grindhouse experience of the olden days of Times Square; or if it was the evil, moving fridge.  Or maybe it was the words that haunt me to this day, “Ass to ass!” that really just solidified that moment in my filmgoing history as the day I REALLY needed to get home and take several showers.

(On an aside, I actually quite liked the movie, but I still feel dirty every time I watch it.)

So, it’s been 8 years since my last visit to Glen Ellyn; and this visit was decidedly more pleasant.  The owner of Honey Cafe left a message on the blog that we had to come check out her food.  We had been planning to make our way up there ever since we were interviewed for the Naperville Sun, because the reporter mentioned how tasty their grilled cheese sandwiches were.  But with the invitation, it was hard to keep putting it off, so a couple weeks ago, we busted out the trusty Google Maps and made our way to downtown Glen Ellyn.

And am I glad we did.

For full disclosure, the owner/manager DID give us some free cupcakes, but this happened after we already ate the breakfast and were heading up to pay our bill.  But by then, we were already in love with the food.  The cupcakes were a nice addition, but they paled in comparison to the actual meal.

Caprese Benedict @ Honey Cafe

This is easily my favorite breakfast place.  While I enjoy Crispy Waffles, I’m actually surprisingly picky when it comes to breakfasts.  I usually just opt for the cereal because nothing ever comes close to what I’m looking for.  The caprese benedict at Honey changed that, however.  My good gods people, it was delicious.  Words can’t do the flavors justice.  Consisting of a 1-2 inch-thick slab of tomato foccacia bread and topped with fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, two poached eggs and a supremely satisfying hollandaise sauce, I think this was the first breakfast I had that made me happy to spend money on breakfast meal.

Katie tried the Eggs on a Motorcycle, a childhood favorite of both of ours.  A thick slice of artisanal bread baked with two eggs inside, seating over a pool of roasted garlic and rosemary cream sauce and garnished with fresh rosemary; everyone has had a variation on this at least once in their lives.  Whether it’s known as Eggs in a Nest or any one of a dozen different names, it was a homey dish elevated to a higher standard.

The servings were, I was going to say immense, but that’s a lie.  The servings were just enough to make you regret eating that much in one sitting, especially once you add in the healthy helping of home potatoes that were served with each dish.

And speaking of potatoes, make sure to try the sweet potato fries with the harissa dipping sauce.  She has opened up our eyes to the glory of harissa.  Lords do we hate mayonaisse, but if all mayonaisse tasted THAT good, I’d be applying it to everything.

What I loved about the food was the simplicity of  the tastes.  As intricate as some of the dishes may have sounded on paper, the finished products were absolutely, deliciously simple.

Open for breakfast, lunch, and dinner I have to say you’d be a mad fool not to check out Honey the next time you’re in Glen Ellyn.  I know we’ll be going back at least once before we move to Chicago.

Honey Cafe
499 N Main St, Glen Ellyn, IL
(630) 469-0000

Eggs on a Motorcycle @ Honey

Almost like live blogging

Mike now has the ability to blog on his phone? Watch out world! I’m like the lawnmower man or something.

The Rise of the Gastrosexual

PurAsia, creator of "gastrosexual"

Okay.  We all know I hate the word foodie.  It’s been oft discussed.  But, I’ll take (begrudgingly) being labeled that any day of the week compared to what The Daily Telegraph is reporting as the rise of the “gastrosexual.”

A quote from the report, conducted by PurAsia:

Gastrosexuals can be male or female but the common denominator is their love of food. We found that cooking for this new generation isn’t simply a matter of refuelling. For them it’s an enjoyable experience and something to be relished – they cook for pleasure, praise and potential seduction.

‘Male Gastrosexuals in particular are no longer content with what they can find at the back of the kitchen cupboard. They are looking for something much more satisfying in terms of taste, participation and effort.’

Yes.  Every man who learns to cook is doing it purely to seduce women.  Thank you PurAsia.  Wait…who the FUCK is PurAsia?

Why, they’re the new product wing from “Mars Food, the US giant’s non-confectionery arm in the UK” And they have apparently “just undertaken its first new product launch for nine years, with the introduction of the Asian ready meal concept…”

This article was printed yesterday in the UK, and reprinted with a little sexy fun in Radar online.  Yet the domain name gastrosexual.com was registered back on December 07, 2007.

Hmmmm….does this smell of blatant undermining of a sub-culture through viral advertising?  Stephen Colbert coming up with his own word for satire is one thing.  But, this just feels dirty.

You can read their full 29-page “report” on their website. (PDF)

And the big kicker is that the company, PurAsia, promoting a term that defines people who don’t look for the easy way out where food is concerned is the creator of “ready-made Asian meals.” Yes.  There’s no better way to impress the ladies than to drag out your finest China, and woo her with some ramen noodles and Thai Kitchen-like microwavable Pad Thai.

PurAsia, the lounge lizard of gastronomy.

Frosting Shots Replace Espresso

Frosting Shots by jcsupersmith

Okay people, I’m with you.  I understand the day is long, and we all need our pick-me-ups.  But seriously?  Frosting shots?  FROSTING SHOTS?  For every step we seem to take in the right direction, someone comes up with an idea that send us back three.

My words are failing me.  They’re stuck in my brain.  I’ve rewritten this second paragraph three times now.  Obviously the cupcake bakeries are giving people what they want.  And obviously, people are willing to pay $1.50 for a shotglass full of buttercream frosting.  But, maybe, in this case, we SHOULDN’T be giving the people what they want.

All this talk of healthier eating, saving money because of the current state of economics, and the apocryphal shuttering of Starbucks across the country would leave one to believe that maybe $1.50 for FROSTING isn’t the best economical decision right now.  And it’s definitely not the healthiest.   Honestly, what will this do for a person?  It’ll give them a cheap sugar high, only cause them to crash harder, forcing them to find something ELSE to keep them awake until the 5 o’clock hour.

Do people hate the taste of tea or coffee that much?  Is the idea of walking around your office for 2 minutes to trying?  Why are people willing to pay $1.50 for FROSTING?!  Please, people of my country, quit making us look like bigger gluttons than we already are.

And the bakeries selling this?  Shame on you for charging $1.00 or more for a shot glass full of frosting.  That’s worth maybe 25 cents.  MAYBE.

Auld Dubliner – Bolingbrook, IL

I thought I’d get the bad out before the good with the two restaurant reviews I still have to write.  The good, Honey Cafe, will be up in the next couple of days; but the bad is such a hilarious comedy of errors that I had to share the story.

Katie and I met up with my family at the newly opened Bolingbrook location of Auld Dubliner, a small Irish-Pub-Themed restaurant chain.  I have to say that it’s probably the most authentic looking of the “not really Irish” Irish restaurants we’ve been to; although I still prefer Ballydoyle’s in Downer’s Grove.  The tables were all made from dark wood, the lighting was mostly natural, and there were enough clocks littered around the place to remind you that, yes, it IS always time for a Guinness.

However, that 20 oz. of Guinness will cost you 6 bucks.  And I’m sorry, if I can go get a 6 pack of Guinness for 2 dollars more?  You’re charging too much for a Guinness.  I think 5 dollars is too much for a Guinness, but if I’m hard pressed to get a drink, I’ll at least pay that once.  So it was water for Mike and Diet Coke for Katie.

And then the fun started.  We ordered two appetizers: Onion Bhajis — Spicy battered onions deep fried and served with tomato-chili sauce — and Curry Chips — A basket of deep-fried chips served with  homemade curry sauce.  There was only one problem.  My second bite of the onion bhajis came with a little extra iron for my diet, a coil of brushed steel wool deep fried along with the onions.

Now, I want to make it perfectly clear, the manager very quickly came over and profusely apologized offering up free desserts and taking the appetizer off the bill.  It was probably some of the nicest service I’ve had.  In fact, the service was probably one of the bright spots. Although, the waitress kept refilling everyone’s drink but mine, which can only lead me to believe my training in invisibility is finally paying off!

Unlike Katie, I actually enjoyed the two appetizers once they were free of all iron coils.  The onions, while not spicy, were flavorful.  The chili sauce added a nice little bite to the dish.  The curry fries didn’t meet our messy dish requirements, but at least they were normal-sized fries.  The fries were seasoned with salt and curry powder, placed around a bowl of a sweet curry sauce.  Katie wanted more spice to the dish, which I’m always up for, but after the disappointment of the English curry fries, I was happy to have something closer to normal.

The main courses were a vegetarian boxty (sans broccoli, because it is evil and disgusting) and curried chicken (because Katie didn’t know how dissapointed she be in the curry when she ordered).  A boxty, for those who, like me, have never had one before is a largish potato pancake filled with various meats and vegetables and served with a sauce that compliments it.  In my case, the sauce was a white wine and lemon sauce, WAY heavy on the lemon.  With each bite, I could feel my gag reflex kicking in just a little bit more until I finally had to put my fork down or risk adding a little something extra to my meal.  And no one needs to see that on their birthday.  Katie’s chicken was cooked fine, her only complaint being the complete lack of spice in the curry.

At this point, let’s recap.  We’re batting 0 for 2 as far as Katie’s concerned, and a decent 1 for 2 as far as Mike goes.  I also believe that’s the first sports analogy that’s ever popped up on this blog.  It will probably also be the last.

Dessert.  Creme Brulee and a Peanut Butter Nutella brownie.  The Creme Brulee brought no complaints.  Katie’s a fan of the brulee.  I prefer a pot de creme, but to each their own.  My brownie, made up of two of my very favorite ingredients, was SO close to turning the tides of what was turning out to be a lackluster meal…

SO close.

But, the bottom of it was burnt.  And yes, I knew for a fact it was burnt, because it had that aftertaste that only a burnt chocolate brownie can have.  Oh, I was disappointed.  Every other aspect of it was exactly what I was looking for in that dessert.  It was warm.  It had slowly melting ice cream oozing.  And again, peanut butter and nutella!  This was made for me!  So close.  But it was the perfect bookend to a meal that seemed out to provide Mike a great story to tell his friends on Monday.

And that’s exactly what I’m doing.  I’m nothing if not occasionally predictable.

What made it even funnier was the teasing I was getting from the table.  “I can’t wait to see what Mike’s review of this place is going to be!” my family laughed.  Yes, thanks to our recent publicity I’m now notorious within my own family.

The bottom line?  We won’t be returning to Auld Dubliner.  While the service was good, and the appetizers/bar bites were tasty, there were just one too many strikes against the meal to warrant a return visit. But, maybe it was just the food we decided on, because my family seemed to enjoy themselves just fine, which was the most important part since it was a celebration of their birthday, not mine.

Two Bites in Suburbia Dinner & a Movie – Number 3

After having successfully eluded the authorities for years, Hannibal peacefully lives in Italy in disguise as an art scholar. Trouble strikes again when he is discovered leaving a deserving few dead in the process. He returns back to America to once again make contact with now disgraced Agent Clarice Starling who is suffering the wrath of a malicious FBI official/rival as well as the media. Meanwhile, Hannibal must survive the advances by a disfigured and vengeful victim he first came in contact with years ago as a patient. He finds himself being tracked down not only by his wealthy victim and his henchmen but also by Agent Starling and the American authorities.

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Raising Your Own Yeast Babies

I am a lazy baker.  Aside from the fact that I haven’t made a baked loaf of anything in several weeks is testament to that.  Oh, I have recipes, but with our impending move I just don’t have the time I need to do it properly.

I feel even lazier when I read posts like this one on Slashfood talking about starting your very own sourdough starter.  I long to try it, but until we’re moved into our own place, I’m pretty sure our respective families would disown us and toss the yeast starter out as soon as there was the slightest hint of a sour smell.

But soon, my precious yeast army….soon.

English – Chicago, IL

Gastropub. Noun – A British term coined in 1991 for a public house (“pub”) which specializes in high-quality food a step above the more basic “pub grub.”

If I were to base my opinion of restaurants calling themselves gastropubs only on the experience we had at English here in Chicago over the weekend, I would be convinced that the word is a cover up for a typical bar with open window seating charging insane prices for the typically mediocre food you would find at any other bar that’s not afraid to call itself a bar.

English Fries @ English

And I think that’s the general problem with the food scene and its incessant need to create words for ideas that DON’T NEED NEW WORDS.  English may serve fancier version of curry chips, or “sliders” or any of the burgers/entrees on their menu, but when it all comes down to it, English is a trendy version of an English pub.  So therefore, it can serve food at the typically expensive trendy prices.

And we ordered bar food.  We can’t judge their entrees, because we wanted a quick, dirty and cheap meal.  We definitely didn’t feel like putting out 25 dollars an entree.  More importantly, we were both jonsing for some warm, spicy and MESSY fries covered in curry sauce.  What we got instead were some incredibly thin fries, not even the usual English chips, served in a fancy bread holder, and served with three rather small dipping bowls of malt vinegar, cold curry, and ketchup.  I love ketchup.  I usually like to have a few fries with the pool of ketchup I pour onto my plate.  But, I don’t remember ketchup being a standard of the UK where eating fries was concerned.

To go along with the fries, I ordered one of their portobello burger sliders, while Katie ordered their chicken curry skewers.  Katie’s skewers came to her dry and again, sans much curry at all.  A line of curry was piped onto each skewer, nothing else.  Needless to say, she just wasn’t very happy, or full.  My slider was probably the highlight of the lunch, but at $3.50, I just don’t know if it was worth a dollar a bite.

I can’t tell you what the prices on the drinks were, because there was no drink menu offered.  Our waitress was far more interested in sitting down and talking with the people at the table next to us.  We were one of 4 tables being waited on at our time of service, but you would have thought she was being slammed with customers based on how seldom we saw her.  I’m assuming prices were typical for a gastropub, so we avoided buying a pint of Guinness, or trying out their English Tea Martini.

I can’t say we were too upset, though.  Our final bill for a 3-bite burger, fries, chicken skewers and two drinks (tea and coke) was still 30 dollars.  At least if I went to a bar, 30 dollars would have gotten me enough nachos, cheese sticks, and potato skins to give me a heart attack, with plenty left over to wash it down with a pint.  Instead, we wandered out of their looking for a place to eat the rest of our lunch, because we were still hungry, but at that point we’d rather go to a Taco Bell than to give them more of our money.

Pubs, bars, speak easies, and brothels, lend me your ears.  Don’t charge us for the term gastropub.  Charge us for the quality of the food.  If your food doesn’t match up to the price that fancy and unneccesary term brings to the table, don’t be ashamed to call yourself a bar and serve some quality, affordable food.  It’s still possible. Best of all, reviews like this one won’t pop up online complaining that we were charged for a meal because a BAR was trying to fit in with the rest of the restaurants in the competitive world of dining entertainment.