American Pie Has Nothin’ On THIS Cake

Fruit Fucker Cake by Brian Kurtz

For those in the know of the world of geek, this weekend is PAX 2008.  The weekend long party celebrating all things gaming was created as a pseudo-alternative to the over the top marketing machine that was E3.  The brainchild of the evil geniuses behind Penny Arcade, one of the grandfathers of webcomics, itself has turned into quite the big todo.  In fact, three of my friends who run Player One Podcast are up in Washington this weekend for the first time to experience the festivities.

So how is all this food related?  Brian, the brother of Scott Kurtz,  creator of PvP Comics, created an awesomely tasteless cake based on one of Penny Arcade’s most popular characters, the Fruit Fucker.  He doesn’t just juice fruits, he destroys them.

As I said, awesomely tasteless.

From Scott’s blog post:

“Currently, Brian only makes cakes part time, but he’s looking to do more professional work. If you’re looking for a way to make your corporate event or special occasion really shine, please email him at yesitscake@yahoo.com.

Brian, like me, is local to the Dallas/Fort Worth area but is willing to work with you to either ship a cake or travel to your event. So don’t be afraid to contact him if you live in another state.”

The cake though is a work of art, rivaling anything the Ace of Cakes team creates.  It’s too bad he’s local only, I would totally have him make me a birthday cake.

Check out more photos here

And check out more of his awesomely geeky cakes, here.

Stuffed Zucchini Blossoms

Zucchini Blossoms

I only have my friend Jen to vouch for this recipe.  My zucchini blossoms did not survive past a day, making it impossible to deep fry the HELL out of those suckers.  Jen has assured me the the recipe is a smashing success.  And even though she may hate mushrooms as much as I do pickles, we still tend to agree on food.

She found this recipe while browsing around the internet looking for a reason to buy some zucchini blossoms at the farmers market.  She may not have deep fried hers like the recipe calls for, but we’re not all perfect.

Ricotta & Garlic-stuffed Zucchini Blossom Recipe (from Taste Buddies)

12 zucchini blossoms
1 cup of ricotta cheese
1 large free-range egg
1/3 cup of freshly grated Parmigiano-Reggiano
1 clove of garlic, minced
4 fresh sweet basil leaves, finely chopped
3/4 tsp of sea salt
2/3 cup & 1/8 cup of all-purposed flour
1 cup of soda water
1 1/2 cups of vegetable or canola oil

Mix together the ricotta, freshly grated Parmigiano-Reggiano, chopped basil, egg and sea salt.  Keep mixing until the cheese forms a smooth consistency. Place the mixture into a piping bag. If you don’t have one, use a freezer bag and then cut a corner off and use it as a make-shift piper. Do this just before you stuff the flowers.

Slice the stems off the male flowers. If you need to clean the flowers, gently wipe them with a damp paper towel. Slice the baby zucchinis into strips ensuring the head is still attached to the flower.

Now whisk together the soda water and flour. The mixture will seem quite frothy, this is normal: it just needs to relax. Set aside. Gently open the petals. It may take a few tries as they can be entwined. Remove the pistil by snipping it off with some scissors. Gently pipe about 2 tbs of filling into the flowers. They will swell up as you fill them. Twist the top of the petals together to close the flowers.

Set the flowers aside. Heat the oil in a medium saucepan. Turn on the oven to a very low heat to keep the cooked zucchini blossoms warm. Dip each flower one by one into the batter. Hold it over the bowl to let the excess batter drip off. Test the oil to see if its ready by dropping a little batter in. It’s ready if the batter sizzles to the top. Place the coated flower on a slotted spoon and gently lower it into the hot oil. Cook the flowers until they are lightly crispy for about 2-3 minutes.

Remove flowers from oil with slotted spoon and place on a baking sheet in the oven while you cook the remaining flowers. Once all the flowers have been cooked, serve immediately.

Foodies For Obama

Foodies For Obama

Love food?  Love Obama?  Join the Facebook Group “Foodies for Obama.”  We all know I loathe the term foodie, but I was browsing around the interwebs to see if I could find any Obama related food bits, and had to share this link with other democratic politico types.

We also learn in a New York Times piece (via Obama’s webpage) that he’s a fan of the Honest Tea:

“…when it comes to food, Senator Obama “eats pretty much anything, from chicken wings and barbecue and ribs to grilled fish and steamed broccoli.” But when he is campaigning in a small town with limited options, a cheeseburger is always a good bet. (“Cheddar is the cheese of choice,” Mr. Love added.)

He knows that “the boss,” as he calls Mr. Obama, likes MET-Rx chocolate roasted-peanut protein bars and bottles of a hard-to-find organic brew — Black Forest Berry Honest Tea. He keeps a supply of both on hand.”

The only downside to all this food talk?  Turns out Obama likes the broccoli.  I hope I can learn to forgive him.

Schweppe – Lombard, IL

Mega Mixer!

Gadget freaks, food lovers, Chicago suburbanites, run, don’t walk to Schweppe out in Lombard.  They’re a restaurant wholesaler that is also open to the public.  We were able to acquire one dozen flatware sets for all of 12 bucks yesterday.  Seriously, how can you beat that?  Sure, they may not look as nice as something you pick up at Williams-Sonoma, but let’s be serious; if you’re paying for a flatware set that serves 4 and costs over $100, the silverware better be able to find its own way to your mouth.

And oh the gadgets, the glorious gadgets.  Get kiboshed the 4-foot whisk I wanted to buy as kitchen direction, but just know that you can buy a FOUR FOOT WHISK.  You can also buy large, metal margarita glasses, along with various foodstuffs. I picked up vegetarian soup bouillion for 4 bucks that I may never need soup bouillion again.

Of course, their main focus is for the actual food industry, so the back room is full of ridiculously large bowls, chafing dishes, stoves, sinks, and the like.  But, the entire front of the store is like a food lover’s wet dream.  At least it was for me.  I picked up a microplane and rolling pin for 6 bucks each, a timer for 10, and a wee-tiny egg whisk for 60 cent. I’ll definitely be hopping a train out there once we’re settled into our new digs, and figure out what kind of stuff we’re missing.

And if I walk away with a 4-foot whisk, what’s the harm?

Guttenberg’s Steak House

Forget Danny Bonaduce!  Steve Guttenberg wants you to come to his steak house!

Check out the commercial here.

Recipe – Black Bean Sloppy Joes

Black Bean Sloppy Joes

I love me some sloppy joes.  It’s one of those dishes that fills my childhood memory.  American comfort food was the name of the cooking game when I was growing; nothing different from most other families really.  But a few things still stand out in my mind.  Sloppy Joes are one of them.  The others are fried bologna and onions (which I don’t think is reproducible as a vegetarian meal), hot dogs and cottage cheese, lasagna, fish sticks, tuna salad and meatloaf.  Looking back, I’m shocked that my arteries work at all.

Sloppy joes were perfect kid food though.  They were not only a simple dish to make, they were messy as hell; and what kid didn’t love being messy (except for Niles and Frasier).

This recipe is a nice healthy variant on the childhood favorite.  Another recipe from the McDougall Quick and Easy Cookbook, the meat is replaced with black beans and oats.  While a serving may not appear that big in a cup or bowl, placed on top of a whole wheat bun, you’ll be hard pressed to need more than one burger.

Black Bean Sloppy Joes

1 onion, chopped
1 green bell pepper, diced
1/3 cup water
1 15-ounce can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 8-ounce can tomato sauce
1/4 cup quick-cooking oatmeal
1 Tbsp soy sauce
1/2 Tbsp prepared mustard
1 tsp honey
1 tsp chili powder
6 whole wheat buns

Place the onion and bell pepper in a saucepan with the water. Cook, stirring frequently, until the vegetables soften, about 5 minutes.

Meanwhile, mash the beans with a bean or potato masher (do not use a food processor). Add the beans and remaining ingredients, except the buns. Cook over low heat until heated through, about 5 minutes.

Serve on the buns with your choice of accompaniments, such as onions, tomatoes, lettuce, pickles, mustard & ketchup.

Hot (Sauce) Comments About Eating Challenges Week

Photo by Deb N.

A couple of friends here at work took the time and effort to leave some stories about their own experiences with hot sauce that should never be ingested, so I thought I’d share.

Up first is Jen, about her slightly foolish friend.

I have a friend, we’ll call him Pete (cause that’s his name,) who threw caution to the wind and disregarded all warnings about the secret, special, sign a waiver hot sauce that they keep in a cooler at Heaven On Seven and slathered it on a slice of white bread.

Silly boy missed the rest of dinner trying to wash out his mouth, throat and stomach and then ended up calling in sick to work the next day due to intestinal distress.
Yep. Beware of hot sauce served on a litmus stick.

That is all.

So true.  If they have to pull out the science equipment to serve you hot sauce, just say no.  You don’t have to prove your manliness (or womanliness) to anyone.  If you’re trying to impress your friends, it won’t work.  Because they’ll call you a wimp for not trying it and laugh at you mercilessly as you cry for the sweet release of death if you do.  It’s a no win situation.  That’s what friends are for.

Up next is Kristin, with her own tale of woe.  Go ahead Kristin, you’re on the line:

About 12 years ago my grandfather, sitting at our local pub during one of his visits to Chicago, learned from the pub owner of a hot sauce the owner’s son had brought back from Louisiana. The owner brought the bottle over to us and each of us were handed a toothpick. My grandfather having been through a bypass and a host to a pace-maker opted out of the obvious challenge presented by the pub owner. I however was all in! This was the hottest thing I could have ever imagined. I was not prepared for the pain that just a few drops would inflict. My grandfather found it all very amusing his granddaughter stomping up and down the bar with her tongue hanging out begging for beer. When my husband arrived about an hour later, we gave him a toothpick and told him to taste it, I said it was not that bad, my tongue was no longer numb and the overall burning sensation was gone plus there was bread at the ready behind the bar. His reaction was one of surprise and disappointment, how could his wife put him through such an ordeal….how could I not? Our reactions to this sauce gave an awful lot of delight to our friends and particularly my grandfather. The hot sauce was Dave’s Insanity Sauce, I’ve never had any thing like it since.

Rule number two in the mysterious food code?  Never agree to try something if it’s precurosered by, “Here try this.”  Look around first.  Is anyone else trying it?  No?  Put down the toothpick.

And if you’re looking for some crazy hot sauce shopping or gifts, and you happen to be in California, make sure you check out Hot Licks.  On an excursion to San Diego a few years ago, I wandered into the store and was amazed at the vast amount of hot sauce on display.  Floor to ceiling were covered in little vials of delicious pain.  I didn’t even know where to start, but I knew that with no prices on any of the bottles, I didn’t want to ask about pricing.  But, if anything, it’s a great little store to visit.

Burger King Gets Racy, European Style!

Have you seen the new Burger King placemats popping up across Europe?  You reall should take a look.  They’re priceless.  And as I’ve said, I think Burger King has a corral of some of the perviest, most sexually-repressed graphic designers sitting around coming up with these things.  I mean, between this and the Subservient Chicken, therapy may be needed.

Burger King Veg City Ad: Airport Terminal

Burger King Veg City Ad: Sniper Fire

Burger King Veg City Ad: Red Light District

America’s Next Cooking Celebrity

America's Next Cooking Celebrity

Well, budding stars and starlets, here’s your chance for some interweb fame.  Better Homes and Garden is having a contest!

From the comment left on my blog:

You might want to let your readers know that Better Homes and Gardens magazine’s BetterRecipes.com
(http://www.betterrecipes.com) today launched America’s Next Cooking Celebrity online video contest.

To enter, upload your online cooking videos to BetterRecipes’s YouTube channel (http://www.youtube.com/betterrecipes). All videos should be one to three minutes in length, and submitted to the contest page by October 6, 2008. You must be 21 years of age to enter the contest, and you should cook your own original and unpublished recipe. For full official rules, visit http://www.betterrecipes.com/rules.

Two finalists from America’s Next Cooking Celebrity video contest will be flown to Des Moines, Iowa, for a Cook-Off in the Better Homes and Gardens Test Kitchen. The grand prize in America’s Next Cooking Celebrity YouTube contest is 10 copies of a cookbook created by the winner on Tastebook.com (http://www.tastebook.com), a Sony Camcorder, and a trip package to Des Moines, Iowa. The runner-up will win a trip package to Des Moines, Iowa and a Sony Camcorder. Ten honorable mention winners will receive a Sony Digital Camera.

Let your readers know that creativity and originality will get you noticed!

Katie, of course, thinks I should go for it, but here’s a little secret:  I’m not that interesting to watch cook.  I don’t necessarily know what I would do to change that.  I’m at my funniest when: a) Katie’s around and I’m keeping her entertained, and b) I’m usually dressed in just my boxers.

No one needs to see that.  Even if it would net me some prizes.

But what’s stopping our more photogenic readers out there from winning for their very own.  Just send me a signed copy of your finished cookbook.

Recipe – Pita Bread

Pita Joe

I’ve been wanting to make this recipe for over 2 months now.  But with the time I would need to put aside combined with the hot days that took over part of the summer, I just couldn’t bring myself to do.  But thanks to a healthy dose of insomnia, followed by waking up at 6:30 in the morning, I rolled my zombie-like ass out of bed and made me some pita.

And I’m glad I did.  If you’ve never had homemade pita bread, you are doing yourself a disservice.  Store bought pita is a sham compared to the chewy goodness of fresh from the oven pita bread.  And you get to deflate it, which is like a little added bonus for all your hard work.

I made a couple changes to the original recipe I found at The Way The Cookie Crumbles.  I didn’t mix everything at once, instead treating the yeast as I would any other baking project.  I mixed the yeast, sugar, water, and oil together and let it rest for 15 minutes, allowing the yeast to activate.  After the time was up, I then added salt to the mixture and slowly poured that into the rotating mixer.  I just like to make sure the yeast activates properly before going any further.  No point in getting to step 5, if part 1 wasn’t successful.

Pita Bread

2 teaspoons instant dry yeast
1/2 teaspoon sugar
1 1/4 cups water
1 tablespoons olive oil
1 teaspoon salt
3 1/2 (17.5 ounces) cups unbleached flour

1. Mix sugar, yeast, water and olive oil. Let rest 15 minutes. Add flour, salt to standing mixer. Turn machine to low and slowly add liquid. When dough comes together, increase speed to medium (setting number 4 on a KitchenAid mixer) and mix until dough is smooth, supple, and elastic, stopping machine two or three times to scrape dough from hook if necessary, about 10 minutes. Initially, the dough will be quite stiff. It will soften and stretch as you continue kneading. Turn dough onto lightly floured work surface; knead to form smooth, round ball, about 15 seconds.

2. Place dough in very lightly oiled bowl, rubbing dough around bowl to lightly coat. Cover bowl with plastic wrap; place in warm oven until dough doubles in size, about 1½ hours.

3. Preheat oven to 425 degrees.

4. Divide the dough into 8 pieces. Shape each piece into a smooth ball. Let rest 10 minutes.

5. On a lightly floured work surface, roll out each ball to form an oval, 9 inches long and ¼ inches thick. Cover with a dish towel and proof until slightly risen, about 20 minutes.

6. Dust two baking sheets with flour and preheat in the oven for 5 minutes. Place the dough ovals on the hot baking sheets and return immediately to the oven. Bake for 5 to 10 minutes, until puffy. Wrap in a clean, dry cloth to keep the crusts soft and to prevent drying out.