Warren Ellis in the Kitchen

Warren Ellis

If you want some recipes, written like no one but Warren Ellis can do, check out his Experiments in Food post.

A couple choice passages from his Sweet Potatoes and Roasted Garlic Mash:

“Open a bottle of beer…a proper beer, damnit…Pour some down your throat. Now pour some in the tinfoil. A mouthful or so. Spit your mouthful out into the pocket if you’d like. I mean, it’d be disgusting, but the person you’re cooking for will never know, right?”

and:

“Take three sweet potatos and peel them. This is a pain in the arse. Use a small knife and pare off the skin in motions that go away from your body, like Sarah Palin field-dressing a moose.”

or even:

“Once the water’s boiling, fling the bastards in. You can pretend they’re screaming as they hit the boiling water if you like. Try not to let people catch you making the noises.”

He’s one hilarious, angry, usually drunken comic writer.

Tom Colicchio Wants Your Money

Tom Colicchio

Look, I like Top Chef.  It’s one of the only reality shows I actually watch and enjoy.  The other?  Wipeout.  Who doesn’t love seeing people try jumping over ridiculously large balls?  But that’s not the point of this post.  The point is that Tom Colicchio, who seems like a serious, but friendly guy, may be moving into the “full of himself” slash “celebrity douche” chef status with what is supposedly his newest venture (NYT via Gawker):

At a press conference (yes, an actual press conference) this morning, Tom Colicchio unveiled his plans for a new restaurant which, like Brigadoon, will magically appear at designated intervals, then vanish from sight.

It will be called Tom: Tuesday Dinner. But Mr. Colicchio appeared far from sold on the name, at one point saying, “If somebody can think of a better one, I’ll change it.”

The restaurant will probably serve about 80 diners a month, which is almost certain to make this one of the toughest tickets in town. Reservations will be taken by telephone six weeks in advance, and the price of the meal ($150 to $250 depending on the menu) will have to be prepaid with a credit card. Menus will only be announced about a week before each meal; they will be posted on a website, tomtuesdaydinner.com.

I mean, come on!  As if the “underground dinner” experiences weren’t elitest enough, now we have a guy I had some respect for creating a magical, disappearing “restaurant” that will only be open twice a month serving a mere 80 people for a ridiculous price.  As if we needed something like to try and take more of our money in a fairly uncertain economic time.

I call for all the celebrity chefs to create 15 dollar lunch menus to help ease the economic recession, not 150-300 dollar “mystery” dinners to stroke the egos of the few well-to-do asshats who aren’t afraid to toss around money like that.

Hell, for 50 bucks, I’ll have people come over to my apartment once a month and cook them some food, and we’ll even watch a movie while I give them a deep tissue shoulder massage.

Recipe – Kristin’s Totally Original, Not Stolen From Dr. Weil Carrot Cake

I’m slowly being won over to the dark side that is Carrot Cake.  It used to be my least favorite “cake” around.  I don’t like healthy things in my desserts.  It’s a sin against nature.  But my friend and coworker Kristin introduced me to a way I think I can live with even actually making my own loaf or two.

This recipe comes from Dr. Weil, who I was told I needed to make sure was credited if I was going to post this on TBIS.  So, there you go.  Dr. Weil.  He makes a mean carrot cake.  But Kristin adds a nice little twist that I think should be shared.  My biggest problem with carrot cake was always the texture.  I never liked biting into the shredded carrot.  It reminded me too much of coconut.  I have issues with that texture.  It makes my skin crawl.  Well, it turns out that Kristin feels much the same way.  So, instead of shredding the carrot, she slices it in the food processor and then mulches the everloving hell of that vegetable until she has some finely minced carrot goo.

The secret is in the goo.  You get the flavor of carrot cake without the hell in your mouth texture of the shredded carrot.

And now, Kristin/Dr. Weil:

Carrot cake is a perennial favorite, but it is often loaded with vegetable oil and laden with a cream cheese frosting. Our version is healthier, using a small amount of olive oil, a full cup of honey for moistness and flavor, and a combination of whole wheat pastry and unbleached flours. The crunchy walnuts even add a bit of omega-3 fats to this sweet treat. With a cup of hot green tea, this cake will make you forget about cream cheese frosting. Enjoy!

Ingredients

2 cups firmly packed finely grated carrots
Juice of 1 large orange
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/4 cup light olive oil
1 cup honey, liquefied in microwave (30 seconds)
1/2 cup crushed or chopped pineapple, drained
1 cup unbleached white flour
1 1/2 cups whole-wheat pastry flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
3/4 cup walnuts, chopped

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 350°F.

2. In a mixing bowl, stir together the carrots, orange juice, vanilla, olive oil, honey, and pineapple until well blended.

3. In another bowl, stir together the flours, baking soda, and spices. Mix in the walnuts.

4. Blend the dry ingredients into the carrot mixture, stirring until just mixed.

5. Pour the batter into a nonstick 8-inch-square baking pan and bake for 45-60 minutes until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean. Remove from oven, let cool slightly, and remove from pan.

Yeast Baby!

I’ve finally done it.  I’ve created my very own sourdough-starting yeast baby.  I promised myself that it would be one of the first things I did once we got situated in the apartment, and true to my word I tossed some flour, water and sugar together to see what would happen.

Days 1 & 2 were fairly uneventful.  Alton Brown’s (ugh) baking book mentioned it would be at least 3 days before anything started happening.  And as much as I loathe the guy, he knows his stuff:

Sourdough Starter Day 3

But it was day four when the fun really started.  And by fun I mean bubbling madness and the very particular smell that sourdough provides.  I love it.  The middle school science nerd in me just sits there watching it bubble, while the 32-year-old bread nerd in me can’t wait to foster that thing for years to come.  And I’m really interested in trying to make my own sourdough bread, possibly even trying a variation on the pretzel bread.

Sourdough Starter Day 4

As it continues to grow, I’ll post more photos.  Katie says we should name it, so if anyone has any recommendations, let me know.  This yeast baby *feels* like a girl, but all names are welcome.