The Ram Restaurant & Brewery

I was asked to pick out a restaurant near Allstate Arena in Rosemont this past weekend. The in-laws were taking the family to a Chicago Wolves game, and while I opted out of joining them (because sitting in the Allstate Arena is near impossible for me), they wanted me to join them for dinner. The only problem was Rosemont is basically expensive hotel restaurants and subpar fast food. Well, that’s the only Rosemont I’ve seen. It’s O’Hare Airport’s city, so it almost comes across as a transient place to live. So many people travel THROUGH there you almost forget people live there, too. Needless to say I didn’t know where to take them.

On a good day, it’s a tough call to randomly pick a place. When you’re trying to not let down an entire clan, there’s even more pressure you put upon yourself. While they’re far more adventurous in dining than my family is, I wouldn’t want to take them to an unknown foreign food restaurant and hope for the best.  You don’t want to hope for the best in some circumstances.

What I found was The Ram Restaurant and Brewery. It’s not a local place, but a chain found in 5 states, getting its start in Washington. What surprised me was it’s a restaurant founded by the same group of people who founded Shakey’s, a fond restaurant memory of my youth. I used to love going to Shakey’s with my family. It’s where I learned such a thing as a pizza buffet existed. It’s where I learned the upper limits of how much pizza a human body could handle.

It turns out that for a chain restaurant, the food is far above average, although I can’t necessarily say the same for the beer. Nothing much struck my fancy, with their seasonal Big Horn S’No Angel Winter Weizenbock being my favorite of the ones sampled. It was a bit darker than I prefer, but the spice went well with the food.

The appetizer we went for was almost a dare. I mean, they were called Armadillo Eggs. Made with chicken, fresh chopped jalapeños, pepperjack cheese, “secret sauce” and seasonings, they tasted mostly like deep-fried cream cheese. You couldn’t much taste the chicken (oh yeah, I eat chicken now). But for a cheese lover, I wasn’t complaining. I love jalapeno poppers and these were a tasty distant cousin to those.

Like a lot of chain restaurants, their menu is massive. They have an ample selection of burgers, sandwiches, salads and more. My choice was the Chicken Amber Ale, a chicken breast marinated in an amber ale marinade, Porter BBQ sauce, slaw, tomato, onion crisps, roasted tomato-chipotle mayonnaise and a pretzel bun. They had me at onion crisps and sold me at pretzel bun. The chicken was tender and well marinated, and the sandwich itself was a sloppy mess with all those sauces. It ended up being a fork and knife situation by the end.

While the food was tasty and received accolades all around, there was one big problem. Most, if not all, of the burgers came out under prepared. Medium Well came out mostly pink in at least 3 situations. Luckily, the people who received the mis-cooked burgers didn’t mind the extra bit of pink, but it seems like something they should pay a little more attention to something like that.

Most of us agreed we’d still go back, and with the comic con coming up in August, I now have a place to direct my friends when we need something to eat. It’s a much better alternative to walking down to McDonald’s or ordering a $7 pizza from the convention center.  I’d most likely steer them away from the burgers, just to be safe, but otherwise it’s a nice place to have a meal.

Plus you get to tell people you ate Armadillo Eggs, and that’s always worth the price of admission.

Consumer Reports: “Why Your Favorite Fast Food Sucks/Rules”

The newly released Consumer Reports article isn’t going to shock anyone in terms of what they discovered when rating the fast food world of burgers, pizzas, tacos and chicken. It may shock you to learn that they think (insert your favorite restaurant here) in fact does not have good food, and why the hell are you eating there anyways?

In n’ Out ranks highest, which even I, a non-meat eater, would tell you. The burgers just look better than other chains. Not to mention their fries and shakes are outstanding. I would also tell you that Burger King ranks the lowest purely because of how awful the (late and not missed) BK Veggie tasted.

But go on! See for yourself! What’s your favorite fast food restaurant?

For the record, I can’t disagree with CR’s toppers. Although I do enjoy Baja Fresh if I can get it over Chipotle. So take THAT Consumer Reports.

Tilted Kilt – Chicago, IL

p. David Kadlubowski - The Arizona Republic

I don’t even know if I can accurately review Tilted Kilt, the recently opened Loop sports bar at 17 N. Wabash.  I mean, for someone like me, I know how to search for all the T&A I need online.  And the best part is it’s free.  I don’t feel obligated to buy an appetizer or beer so I don’t feel quite so skeevy going in to gawk at the breasts and butts on display.  Let’s be honest, that’s pretty much the only reason this bar exists.  It’s like the dream bar for someone who wanted a slightly higher class Hooters; while also harboring a dark fetish for short kilts.  And it is a fetish, because that’s the closest thing to Celtic or Irish that exists in this place.

Don’t get me wrong, you can never go wrong with the baring of flesh, but in today’s world when burlesque shows and strip clubs are so mainstream, do we have to masquerade our need to see boobs under the thin disguise of being a sports bar?  At least when you go to a strip club everyone knows the score.  You’re there to see nudity; and the women (or men) are there to take your money.  At Tilted Kilt you can’t help but feel just the slightest bit dirty trying to covertly sneak a peak at some cleavage, or gawk at the legs on display underneath the kilt.  It upsets the balance between restaurant and strip club.  You want to stare but you feel like you’re breaking the unwritten laws of not leering at your restaurant server.

The food is tertiary to the drinks which follows a distant second to the T&A.  The service is what it is.  In our case, it was mediocre at best.  The waitress was eager to serve, stopping by several times while we looked over the menu.  But once the food arrived she disappeared, which was a problem since the order was wrong.  Katie’s pulled-pork sandwich, ordered without coleslaw, looked like the kitchen realized after they put it on the sandwich it shouldn’t be there.  Pieces of coleslaw seemed hidden inside the pork.  It took 10 minutes to flag down the waitress, and another 30 minutes to finally get a replacement burger which we asked for to go at that point.

p. AZ Central

Vegetarians, unless you’re looking for a “celtic” restaurant that serves pizza, give it a pass.  The pizza was good, but nothing memorable.  I probably would have enjoyed it more if I wasn’t so pissed that I had to eat my meal in front of Katie while she waited for the sandwich.  Once she finally did get her pulled pork she was pretty disappointed, giving it the “it’s a sandwich alright” review.

Sure it’s fun to be titillated, and the short plaid skirts fill out the school-girl fantasy most men are ashamed to admit they have; but when the talk in front of a restaurant/bar is “DUDE, I *TOTALLY* saw some nip!”, eventually the lure of boobs will wear off, and what will the place be left with?

17 N Wabash Ave
Chicago, IL 60602
(312) 269-5580‎

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Elephant & Castle – Chicago, IL

Of all the chain-style UK pub houses I’ve been too, I think Elephant & Castle may be the best of the bunch.  Granted, if you can find something that’s a little more authentic, run to that place and make one of the barstools your own.  But for a quick bite and a pint of something that isn’t Miller or Bud, you could do worse.

And if anything, they had me at the idea of deep fried soft pretzels with mustard.  That is some seriously genius pub food right there.  Their bruschetta is also some of the tastier of its kind I’ve had recently.  The mini potato fritters were okay, paired up with apple chutney.  They weren’t bad, but since I don’t remember much about them, they obviously weren’t very memorable.

Main dishes range from pub classics to burgers to stir fry.  And surprisingly, the stir fry was the highlight of my meal.  Served with fried wontons and cashews over jasmine rice, the spices weren’t too intense and the wontons really added a nice crunch to the whole affair.  That’s not to say the veggie burger they also offer is a bad choice with its pesto and bruschetta toppings, but if a vegetarian has to pick, go for the stirfry.

The other nice thing about this place is when you have family visiting who aren’t too keen on trying anything crazy, but you may have to shoot someone if you end up at a Giordano’s, Lou Mal’s, or Pizzaria Uno one more time.  It’s just different enough that most of the food isn’t available in the burbs, but just familiar enough in that chain restaurant type way that family won’t get to weirded out by the fancier Chicago food.

But seriously, fried pretzels.  That’s all you need to know.

Elephant & Castle‎
185 N Wabash Ave
Chicago, IL 60601
(312) 345-1710

Get Directions

Get Directions

Conquering The Belly Bruiser

Brad Sciullo of Uniontown

Someone finally did it.  A Pennsylvania man spent nearly 5 hours digging into Denny’s Beer Barrel Belly Bruiser, the 15 pound burger (before condiments) I talked about during my Food Competition week.

It took Brad Sciullo 4 hours and 39 minutes to finish a marathon. A meat marathon, that is. The 5-foot-11, 180-pound western Pennsylvania chef is the first person to eat a monstrosity called the Beer Barrel Belly Bruiser: a 15-pound burger with toppings and a bun that brought the total weight to 20.2 pounds.

Sciullo said Monday he was surprised he finished the sandwich. “About three hours into it, things got tough,” he said.

Sciullo failed to mention, “By tough, I’m pretty sure my arteries stopped working for at least 30 seconds making it impossible for me to lift my arms.”

Hot Beef Sundae

Hot Beef Sundae

Never let your parents tell you again that you can’t have dessert for dinner!  Thank you Nebraska for cracking the code and making the world safe dessert dinner eaters.

What comes in a Hot Beef Sundae?  Glad you asked:

Golden mashed potatoes covered with a generous portion of our roasted and seasoned-to-perfection top round beef.  Then aged cheddar cheese, more golden mashed potatoes smothered with our special beef gravy, more aged cheddar cheese, a slice of buttered toast, and a cherry tomato on top.

Oh yeah.  Soak it in America.

Recipe – Black Bean Sloppy Joes

Black Bean Sloppy Joes

I love me some sloppy joes.  It’s one of those dishes that fills my childhood memory.  American comfort food was the name of the cooking game when I was growing; nothing different from most other families really.  But a few things still stand out in my mind.  Sloppy Joes are one of them.  The others are fried bologna and onions (which I don’t think is reproducible as a vegetarian meal), hot dogs and cottage cheese, lasagna, fish sticks, tuna salad and meatloaf.  Looking back, I’m shocked that my arteries work at all.

Sloppy joes were perfect kid food though.  They were not only a simple dish to make, they were messy as hell; and what kid didn’t love being messy (except for Niles and Frasier).

This recipe is a nice healthy variant on the childhood favorite.  Another recipe from the McDougall Quick and Easy Cookbook, the meat is replaced with black beans and oats.  While a serving may not appear that big in a cup or bowl, placed on top of a whole wheat bun, you’ll be hard pressed to need more than one burger.

Black Bean Sloppy Joes

1 onion, chopped
1 green bell pepper, diced
1/3 cup water
1 15-ounce can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 8-ounce can tomato sauce
1/4 cup quick-cooking oatmeal
1 Tbsp soy sauce
1/2 Tbsp prepared mustard
1 tsp honey
1 tsp chili powder
6 whole wheat buns

Place the onion and bell pepper in a saucepan with the water. Cook, stirring frequently, until the vegetables soften, about 5 minutes.

Meanwhile, mash the beans with a bean or potato masher (do not use a food processor). Add the beans and remaining ingredients, except the buns. Cook over low heat until heated through, about 5 minutes.

Serve on the buns with your choice of accompaniments, such as onions, tomatoes, lettuce, pickles, mustard & ketchup.

Burger King Gets Racy, European Style!

Have you seen the new Burger King placemats popping up across Europe?  You reall should take a look.  They’re priceless.  And as I’ve said, I think Burger King has a corral of some of the perviest, most sexually-repressed graphic designers sitting around coming up with these things.  I mean, between this and the Subservient Chicken, therapy may be needed.

Burger King Veg City Ad: Airport Terminal

Burger King Veg City Ad: Sniper Fire

Burger King Veg City Ad: Red Light District

Eat It! Celebrating Eating Challenges – Day 5

Denny's Beer Barrelled Belly Buster

Wow.  A post a day.  I honestly didn’t think that would happen.  This idea started out of a need to force myself into posting more regularly and it seems to have worked.  Apparently while I may hate school I actually need the order and deadlines that it forces me to follow.

Day 5 ends this little experiment with a bang.  The Denny’s Beer Barrelled Belly Buster is a FIFTEEN POUND burger brought to your table, where you are given three hours to try and eat the entire sandwich.  Is sandwich the right word?  Maybe The Grim Reaper of Hamburgers is more appropriate.

Until they stopped letting official competitors tour the world and “train” at these various competitions, “many of America’s top ranked capacity eaters made the pilgrimage to Clearfield Pa. falling woefully short of completing the big burger in the three hour time limit. On January 12th, 2005, a day that will go down in competitive eating history, a 19 year old 115 lb. college freshman named Kate Stelnick walks in and completes the burger in 2 hours and 54 minutes.” (Association of Independent Competitive Eaters)

And just to give you meaty, carniverous nightmares, Denny’s created the FIFTY pound burger.  You can order that for a mere $180.  While not part of their challenge series, it does give you something to warn your children about.

“If you don’t finish your vegetables, we’re going to make you Denny’s Beer Barrelled Belly Bruiser by YOURSELF!  And if you don’t finish it ALL, they use YOU to make the next burger.”

Sentences like that definitely explain why I’m not a father.

Wanna make your own ridiculously large burger?  Just follow the simple steps on this You Tube video:

World’s Smallest Hamburger Combo

World's Smallest Hamburger Combo

To balance out the blog, create a healthy yin to the overeating yang, I present this link to you found over on Crafster.org: “The World’s Smallest Burger, Fries & Soda.” The best part?  It’s absolutely edible.  From the individual slices of micro-cheese to the sneeze and they’ll fly away French fries.  They even made a tiny little tray.  Adorable!