Tilted Kilt – Chicago, IL

p. David Kadlubowski - The Arizona Republic

I don’t even know if I can accurately review Tilted Kilt, the recently opened Loop sports bar at 17 N. Wabash.  I mean, for someone like me, I know how to search for all the T&A I need online.  And the best part is it’s free.  I don’t feel obligated to buy an appetizer or beer so I don’t feel quite so skeevy going in to gawk at the breasts and butts on display.  Let’s be honest, that’s pretty much the only reason this bar exists.  It’s like the dream bar for someone who wanted a slightly higher class Hooters; while also harboring a dark fetish for short kilts.  And it is a fetish, because that’s the closest thing to Celtic or Irish that exists in this place.

Don’t get me wrong, you can never go wrong with the baring of flesh, but in today’s world when burlesque shows and strip clubs are so mainstream, do we have to masquerade our need to see boobs under the thin disguise of being a sports bar?  At least when you go to a strip club everyone knows the score.  You’re there to see nudity; and the women (or men) are there to take your money.  At Tilted Kilt you can’t help but feel just the slightest bit dirty trying to covertly sneak a peak at some cleavage, or gawk at the legs on display underneath the kilt.  It upsets the balance between restaurant and strip club.  You want to stare but you feel like you’re breaking the unwritten laws of not leering at your restaurant server.

The food is tertiary to the drinks which follows a distant second to the T&A.  The service is what it is.  In our case, it was mediocre at best.  The waitress was eager to serve, stopping by several times while we looked over the menu.  But once the food arrived she disappeared, which was a problem since the order was wrong.  Katie’s pulled-pork sandwich, ordered without coleslaw, looked like the kitchen realized after they put it on the sandwich it shouldn’t be there.  Pieces of coleslaw seemed hidden inside the pork.  It took 10 minutes to flag down the waitress, and another 30 minutes to finally get a replacement burger which we asked for to go at that point.

p. AZ Central

Vegetarians, unless you’re looking for a “celtic” restaurant that serves pizza, give it a pass.  The pizza was good, but nothing memorable.  I probably would have enjoyed it more if I wasn’t so pissed that I had to eat my meal in front of Katie while she waited for the sandwich.  Once she finally did get her pulled pork she was pretty disappointed, giving it the “it’s a sandwich alright” review.

Sure it’s fun to be titillated, and the short plaid skirts fill out the school-girl fantasy most men are ashamed to admit they have; but when the talk in front of a restaurant/bar is “DUDE, I *TOTALLY* saw some nip!”, eventually the lure of boobs will wear off, and what will the place be left with?

17 N Wabash Ave
Chicago, IL 60602
(312) 269-5580‎

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De.li.cious Cafe – Chicago, IL

If only I were a coffee-nerd.  I think I’d feel right at home at De.li.cious Cafe up in North Center if I enjoyed coffee as much as Kevin Porter does.  Because, the dude loves coffee.  He has that glimmer in his eye when he describes the Chemex system they have.  I had to nod my head as if I knew what he was talking about.  I have a Senseo machine at home that I got for free.  I don’t love coffee as much as Kevin Porter.  But I’m okay with that.

Even if you don’t love coffee, there’s still plenty to like about the small cafe that took over the old Stubbs stomping grounds.  The menu is simple and affordable, and between Kevin and his wife Chelsea there’s enough friendliness to go around.

The sandwiches are something your mom would make, from the easy grilled cheese, to the artery clogging PB&J with bananas.  I personally went for the tofu eggless egg salad.  I have a history with tofu versions of egg salads.  I don’t like most of them.  But I have to say, Chelsea succeeded where places like Whole Foods failed.  It wasn’t over seasoned, and relied mostly on the texture of the salad to win you over.  Mission accomplished.  Achievement unlocked.  I’m a fan.

The desserts are awesome;  brought in from the soon-to-open Fritz Pastry (www.twitter.com/fritzpastry).  We know the propieters-in-waiting for Fritz, so we expected nothing less.  The chocolate cake was absolutely delicious, sweet but not overly so.  The best part?  Treats like cupcakes aren’t 4 dollars a pop.  They’re actually affordable at TWO DOLLARS.  You can get TWO cupcakes for the price of one couture treat.  Spend 4 dollars and you get an ENTIRE cake slice.  Who ever heard of affordable pastries in this crazy couture world?

I can’t wait to see how De.li.cious grows.  There’s already talk of coffee tastings, but I’m interested to see if the menu expands.  I’d love to see some vegetarian soups to go along with the sandwiches.  It would be a great little lunch combo for vegetarians.

And how was the coffee?  Let me just say that Katie, avowed coffee hater, quite enjoyed the sip of my latte.  So that should say something.

Eggless Egg Salad

Episode 7: Closed Doors, Severed Limbs, and Vegetarian Gumbo

The only Thai cuisine restaurant in Romeoville closes not with a bang but a whimper.  Mike and Katie introduce and discuss Machine Girl, the first in the Two Bites in Suburbia Dinner Movie Series.  And Mike heads down to New Orleans with some vegetarian gumbo to prove to a coworker that being a vegetarian doesn’t mean living a bland lifestyle.  Tonight’s episode is brought to you by the heat and humidity of a Chicago summer.  Humidity, it’s everywhere.  Swim in it!  This is episode 7 of Two Bites In Suburbia.

Get it HERE!

Related Links

• 1^st Segment
  • K.T. Thai Cuisine

• Two Bites in Suburbia Dinner Movie Series
  • Machine Girl (NSFW Trailer)

• Eating Like A Vegetarian Do
  • Heaven on Seven
  • Chicago Diner
  • Veggie Bite

• Recipes
  • Vegetarian Gumbo
  • Vegan Andouille Sausage (From Vegan Dad)

**The next film for the Two Bites in Suburbia Movie Series will be…announced on Friday.**

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ABC’s Hungry Hound Drools Over Blue Water Grill’s Cracker Jack Sundae

I am not embarrassed to be free advertising for my friend and the skills he shares with everyone ordering a dessert from his restaurant. He’s not only one of the most talented pasty chefs I know, he’s humble, funny, and loves to share new ideas with people.

I’ve talked about his work at Blue Water Grill before, but now you can meet the man, when he’s interviewed on ABC news for a Hungry Hound segment. If you didn’t catch it live, a link is below. They discuss two River North spots that focus on bring retro desserts to the modern world.

Just click here, or on the image to be taken to the segment.

Episode 6: MRIs, Encased Meats & Margaritos

Twobitme & Katie return from their 2 week hiatus to discuss Hot Doug’s, Red Mango, Genghis Grill, along with a plethora of other edible fun. They also discuss an update on Mike’s health.

The least researched, most opinionated podcast about Chicago and its suburbs returns!

Intro

• National MS Society

Segment 1

• Red Mango
• Berry Chill
• Starfruit

Segment 2

• Genghis Grill

Segment 3

• Chocolate Covered Pretzel Bread Pudding (Just added!)

Segment 4

• Doritos: The Quest
• Mike’s Review

Segment 5

• Hot Doug’s

Outro

• Fritz Pastry
• Nacional 27

E-mail us: twobitesinsuburbia@gmail.com

Visit us: twobites.wordpress.com

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Two Bites in Suburbia – Episode 5: Two Bites In Suburbia Episode 5: Synthetic Skin, Pepper Clouds & Garlic Dates

Mike and Katie discuss what may be the most disgusting souvenir ever, along with some of Mike’s latest edible concoctions.  To top of the episode, they review Macarena Tapas in Naperville.

The least researched, most opinionated show about Chicago and its suburbs returns!

Links

• Stahly Quality Foods
• Emeril’s Pepper Bread
• Alton Brown’s Honey Butter
• Margarita Cupcakes
• Macarena Tapas
• Genghis Grill
• la hacienda de los fernandez

Reviews for La Hacienda are not looking promising.

*NOTE* – For those of you worried that I’m just blatantly racially insensitive during one of my off-color jokes, it’s in reference to the Green Mile, spoofed expertly on the Simpsons.

I have no excuse for the gentle mocking of the Irish stereotypes, other than it’s fun to say Hoity-toity-toi.  Ask around.  You know I’m right.

E-mail us: twobitesinsuburbia@gmail.com

Visit us: twobites.wordpress.com

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http://twobites.podbean.com

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Purgatory Pizza – Chicago, IL

Main Entry: pur·ga·to·ry
Pronunciation: \ˈpər-gə-ˌtȯr-ē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural pur·ga·to·ries
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French or Medieval Latin; Anglo-French purgatorie, from Medieval Latin purgatorium, from Late Latin, neuter of purgatorius purging, from Latin purgare
Date: 13th century

1. an intermediate state after death for expiatory purification; specifically : a place or state of punishment wherein according to Roman Catholic doctrine the souls of those who die in God’s grace may make satisfaction for past sins and so become fit for heaven
2. a place or state of temporary suffering or misery
3. Iron Maiden’s fifth single
4. Chicago Celtic Punk band The Tossers fourth studio album.
5. 1999 western fantasy film directed by Uli Edel.

I think we discovered how Purgatory Pizza got their name.  This Uli Edel inspired Wrigleyville pizza place is ripe with imagery from his classic Western film set in the eponymous town, paying special dedication to Randy Quaid and Eric Roberts.

Isn’t it sad that Body of Evidence was so universally reviled that Mr. Edel was banished to the world of procedural dramas directors after it came out?  Poor guy.  Madonna is not afraid to leave a trail of bodies in her quest to add to her resume of bad film acting!

Actually, Purgatory Pizza would be aptly named because the wait time for your food can be a little trying.  Depending on how hungry you are, it can be downright maddening.  In our case, it took so long, time actually reversed, our hunger completely looped itself, and we were hungry no longer.

Located across from the Pick Me Up Cafe up in Wrigleyville (so good luck finding parking until fall!), Purgatory actually earned its name from the painted flames of hell shooting from the floor turning into the white, fluffy clouds of heaven.  It’s a fun idea for a restaurant, without being nearly as tacky as it could be.  Could you imagine the same idea in the hands of an Applebee’s like company?  All that plastic heaven/hell themed crap everywhere makes the mind boggle.

We met up with our friends, N8 and Elaine, Sunday night to check out the newly opened pizzeria.  The buzz had been positive, and we were all looking for something new to try.  They arrived 5-10 minutes before us, ordering appetizers as we crawled around the neighborhood looking for some post-game parking.  Luckily it was post-game just enough that the area was nearly empty, making parking at least a plausible idea.

We shared hellos with our friends, who told us they had already ordered appetizers.  We ordered a couple Sweet Teas and tucked ourselves in with visions of thin crust dancing in our heads.  And then the waiting started.  For mozzarella sticks and bread sticks, the total wait time was easily 20 minutes, if not a few minutes longer.  We originally scratched it up to it being a Sunday after the game, but the place was surprisingly empty for it being nearly 7 PM.

The sweet tea arrived, and after just one sip, we realized that tea must have been sitting out a little TOO long in the sun, or some other such fate.  It had the bitter taste that only spoiled tea has.  But hey, free refills!  Elaine was just as unpleased with her Ginger Ale.  We were really starting to worry that our random  restaurant selection would be a huge bust.

We placed our orders for the pizzas, N&E ordering a thin crust Zeal pizza: eggplant, squash, zucchini, artichoke hearts, roasted red peppers, mozzarella.  We ordered the Purgatory pie, a choose-your-own-adventure of pizza goodness.  Our choices: spinach, feta, sun dried tomatoes and fresh garlic, were stuffed in between two layers of their special thin crust (special because of the PBR used in the mix).

The appetizers arrived, and our fears were allayed a bit.  These were some DAMN tasty cheese sticks!  And the bread sticks, while needing a little extra salt, were also pretty damn delicious.  They also both went quite quick.

We waited some more.  The pizza probably didn’t arrive for another 20-25 minutes, giving it a total cooking time of 45 minutes easy.  If they were both deep dish pizzas, we could understand, but with a thin crust, and an adapted thin crust, you would think they would have been out in 20 minutes.  But no.  We apparently hadn’t atoned enough for our dietary sins.

The pizza though?  Absolutely, without question, delicious.  The crust is light and crisp, looking much like fried won ton wrapper.  Who knew that adding some working class PBR to a pizza’s crust would make it so damn tasty?  I’m no fan of a pizza covered in vegetables, but the veggies on the Zeal pizza were actually individually full of flavor, not the green mushperonion non-flavor that usually plagues most veggie pies.  The Purgatory pizza was also a winner.  The flavors blended well together, so much so, that our pizza was declared the victor of the evening.

I would absolutely recommend checking out Purgatory Pizza…in a month or two.  With a list of nearly two dozen ingredients to mix and match, from  They just need to work some shit out in the kitchen, cutting down on the wait time for the food.  Because once they do, you’d be a damn fool not to add Purgatory to your rotation of regular pizza joints.

Holy Poop, We Have Our Own Podcast

Katie and I did something crazy over the weekend.  We created our own Podcast.  We decided to see if its any fun, and surprisingly it is.  Is it fun for YOU to listen to?  We hope so. But, it is our first episode, so be kind to us.  We’re still working out the kinks.

The plus side?  It’s only 30 minutes long.  That’s barely a drive to Chicago from the suburbs. Subscribe and get the show notes, right over here.

Two Bites In Suburbia Episode 1

Opinionated About Alinea & Avenues

It looks like Alinea and Avenues here in Chicago can add another bullet point on their award list. Opinionated About Dining just released their Top 100 Restaurants in North America and Europe with Alinea and Avenues both ranking up there.

Avenues is on our list of restaurants to visit, right after we quit our second jobs trying to recover from paying for Moto.

Other restaurants of note are Michel Richard’s Citronelle and Jose Andres’ Minibar in D.C., and Chez Panisse in Berkeley. Three other restaurants on our “to visit” lists when we were in both cities. Next time Andres! Next time Richard!

You can get a free copy of the full list over at Opinionated About Dining‘s website for signing up to take part in the 2009 survey.

A partial list of restaurants with rankings is under the cut.

April Fool’s In Chicago & The Foodverse

• Did you know that Grant Achatz of Alinea is working with McDonald’s? It’s true according to Gaper’s Block.
• The Chicago Reader’s Omnivorous profiles a new restaurant that you’ll never be allowed inside. Peek inside The Crib.
• Slashfood discusses the very successful Cheesesteak Sub Diet.

Needless to say, it’s April Fool’s Day, so good luck trusting your usual sites. I’m not big on the April Fool’s Day thing. I like to screw with people ALL year long! Why limit it to one day? So, my single idea today was to post on each of my blogs, “She said yes!” to see who would respond, and how much trouble I would get into.

Instead, here are three of the funniest faux news stories I came across the past couple days. Although, I think the Reader should get a foul since this was actually in LAST Thursday’s issue. April Fool’s Day isn’t Christmas people. You only get one day, not twelve.

And in the spirit of the day, here’s my favorite Rick Roll of the moment. Yeah. I’m so hip I didn’t even know what being Rick Roll’d was until this morning. Watch out internet!