The One Where I Hate On Milwaukee But Not Really

Now I don’t blame Milwaukee itself for the miserable trip we took up there, but man what a waste of a couple days. I was desperate to get away from the gray of Chicago, so what better thing to do than replace it with the gray of Milwaukee? It’s only a couple hour drive and it’s something different to do. I Priceline’d a 4-star hotel and we headed out on a 2-day adventure north.

What we ended up with was a trip where we curled into fetal positions, sick from the bar nuts we ate and the alcohol drank at the hotel bar, and watched Blades of Glory before ultimately being woken up by a goddamned seagull tapping on our window. Did I mention the walls were so thin we could hear water running constantly?

Breakfast wasn’t much better. We ate the buffet, which was surprisingly decent for a hotel buffet, but we never had a server. Apparently we could have ordered pancakes, waffles, and omelets as part of our buffet experience, but we didn’t find that out until some random server came up and asked if we’d even been helped. Too bad we were already finished with our meal.

4-star hotel.

But that’s not Milwaukee’s fault. That’s Priceline’s fault for saying the Hyatt Regency was a 4-star hotel when it felt more like a 2-star affair at best.

It also didn’t help that my back went out 2 hours after we got there. All of the plans we had, which mostly involved food and museums, were pretty much scrapped as we headed back to Illinois, defeated and not nearly as full of beer and cheese as one could hope.

I do blame Milwaukee for their drivers though. I’ve never had so many people tailgate me in a city before. What kind of bumper car logic is taught up there? All I’m saying is stay off my ass.

We’ll probably go back to Milwaukee so we can go on the brewery tours and check out the art museums, but it will be a bit before we do.

But that’s not to say it was all bad. We were able to go Palomino Bar &fried goodness, which of course means LOTS OF DEEP FRIED FOOD. And this is why I wanted to go to Palomino. Not because they were known for a decent selection of vegetarian options, although that is a plus, but because they had an appetizer called the Aw-Fuck-It Bucket.

Let that roll around in your mind lobes for a while. It’s an appetizer that in and of itself gives up on the argument that you shouldn’t order it. And why shouldn’t you order it? It’s a platter of deep fried awesome: cheese curds, corn dogs, corn fritter, tater tots, jalapeño poppers. The main disappointing thing about this dish is that it didn’t come in one of those buckets you see normally reserved for casinos. I wanted it to come in a pail with Aw-Fuck-It etched on the side. It sounds like a mistake, and I wanted it to look like a mistake.

Deep fried cheese curds are a midwestern thing. I don’t care if they’re served somewhere else, but only midwesterners can invent such an idea. And I thank them for it. I love cheese and deep frying it only makes it better. Cheese curds are part of my childhood. My grandparents used to bring back bags of them from their trips to Wisconsin, I’m assuming from Mars Cheese Castle, and to this day I love those little clumps of cheese.

But if you happen to find yourself at Palomino, a place from the outside that looks like a typical neighborhood bar, please to avoid the corn fritters. More like hushpuppies and dry beyond belief, they were the second big disappointment of the appetizer. Possibly even more disappointing than it not coming in an actual bucket.

The rest of the food? Delicious. I had the seitan Faux Boy and Katie had the chicken and waffles, which came with three giant pieces of chicken and one large waffles. I’m glad I didn’t go with more deep fried though, because that bucket expanded in our stomachs, even though that Vegan Fried “Steak” sure was tempting.

How’s my weight loss going? Not well. Not well.

The Ram Restaurant & Brewery

I was asked to pick out a restaurant near Allstate Arena in Rosemont this past weekend. The in-laws were taking the family to a Chicago Wolves game, and while I opted out of joining them (because sitting in the Allstate Arena is near impossible for me), they wanted me to join them for dinner. The only problem was Rosemont is basically expensive hotel restaurants and subpar fast food. Well, that’s the only Rosemont I’ve seen. It’s O’Hare Airport’s city, so it almost comes across as a transient place to live. So many people travel THROUGH there you almost forget people live there, too. Needless to say I didn’t know where to take them.

On a good day, it’s a tough call to randomly pick a place. When you’re trying to not let down an entire clan, there’s even more pressure you put upon yourself. While they’re far more adventurous in dining than my family is, I wouldn’t want to take them to an unknown foreign food restaurant and hope for the best.  You don’t want to hope for the best in some circumstances.

What I found was The Ram Restaurant and Brewery. It’s not a local place, but a chain found in 5 states, getting its start in Washington. What surprised me was it’s a restaurant founded by the same group of people who founded Shakey’s, a fond restaurant memory of my youth. I used to love going to Shakey’s with my family. It’s where I learned such a thing as a pizza buffet existed. It’s where I learned the upper limits of how much pizza a human body could handle.

It turns out that for a chain restaurant, the food is far above average, although I can’t necessarily say the same for the beer. Nothing much struck my fancy, with their seasonal Big Horn S’No Angel Winter Weizenbock being my favorite of the ones sampled. It was a bit darker than I prefer, but the spice went well with the food.

The appetizer we went for was almost a dare. I mean, they were called Armadillo Eggs. Made with chicken, fresh chopped jalapeños, pepperjack cheese, “secret sauce” and seasonings, they tasted mostly like deep-fried cream cheese. You couldn’t much taste the chicken (oh yeah, I eat chicken now). But for a cheese lover, I wasn’t complaining. I love jalapeno poppers and these were a tasty distant cousin to those.

Like a lot of chain restaurants, their menu is massive. They have an ample selection of burgers, sandwiches, salads and more. My choice was the Chicken Amber Ale, a chicken breast marinated in an amber ale marinade, Porter BBQ sauce, slaw, tomato, onion crisps, roasted tomato-chipotle mayonnaise and a pretzel bun. They had me at onion crisps and sold me at pretzel bun. The chicken was tender and well marinated, and the sandwich itself was a sloppy mess with all those sauces. It ended up being a fork and knife situation by the end.

While the food was tasty and received accolades all around, there was one big problem. Most, if not all, of the burgers came out under prepared. Medium Well came out mostly pink in at least 3 situations. Luckily, the people who received the mis-cooked burgers didn’t mind the extra bit of pink, but it seems like something they should pay a little more attention to something like that.

Most of us agreed we’d still go back, and with the comic con coming up in August, I now have a place to direct my friends when we need something to eat. It’s a much better alternative to walking down to McDonald’s or ordering a $7 pizza from the convention center.  I’d most likely steer them away from the burgers, just to be safe, but otherwise it’s a nice place to have a meal.

Plus you get to tell people you ate Armadillo Eggs, and that’s always worth the price of admission.

The Generous Pour at Capital Grille

Warning: Fake wine snobbery ahead.

Recently Katie and I were invited to a free event celebrating Capital Grille’s Generous Pour event. The event itself is an all you can drink wine pours for $25. 9 summer wines are featured, some available for the first time in America. Now, normally Katie and I are not normally wine drinkers. We’re definitely not oenophiles. I had to look up how to spell the fancy word for lover of wine if that’s any indication. But we decided to check it out because it sounded like an interesting idea and we’ve always meant to stop by the Capital Grille since it’s only a couple blocks away from us.

First and foremost, can I mention they hand make their mozzarella every 2 hours hours for dishes like their caprese salad? It’s definitely something you can taste. The cheese was smooth, and not overly salty. When they told us it was constantly being made in house we were surprised, and I think it’s something that should be better known. That bit of extra effort earned big points from us.

Katie loved her main dish, a Bone-In Kona Crusted Dry Aged Sirloin w/ Shallot Butter. The sirloin was perfectly cooked, and being someone who truly hates coffee, was surprised at how well it worked on the meat. It was a meal full of surprises for her. Not a fan of seafood either, she thought the pan fried calamari was some of the best she had. She noted that it was neither chewy or had an overly fishy taste. And she couldn’t stop talking about the lobster mac & cheese.

My meal was much simpler, consisting of the previously mentioned caprese salad and a massive bowl full of pasta filled with crisp asparagus and other random vegetables. I’m still no fan of the “oh crap a vegetarian is here” bowl of noodles many restaurants serve, but for what it was it was tasty. The pasta wasn’t watery, cooked al dente and seasoned well.

Dessert’s highlight was the flourless chocolate espresso cake. Powdered with bittersweet chocolate and moist enough you would think it was undercooked, the cake and handmade vanilla bean ice cream was a great cap to the evening.

But that night the meal was almost a precursor to the wine. Each course was paired with two different wines, an American pour and an imported specialty.

I’ll list all the wines available below for this special event, but I wanted to talk mostly about the ones I enjoyed, because it’s my blog dammit. As I mentioned above, neither of us are wine drinkers. Katie probably less so than me. She knows she likes nice fruity white wines and sticks with that, while I have no real preference. I can’t taste out the spices in wine, or the hoppiness in beer. All I know is if something tastes good to me. And taste is far more important than being able to recite a list of ingredients as far as I’m concerned.

When you go, and you really should if you’re a fan of wine (or a fan of $25 dollar bottomless wine), definitely check out the La Cana Albarino, Rias Baixas from Spain. The Spanish white blew away the Californian white. It went well with the appetizers being served, supporting the flavors instead of over powering them. The Californian white, Chateau St. Jean, Belle Terre from California, just had an aftertaste that overpowered the original sip.

Dinner was served with 5 different reds (the most red wine I’ve ever had), 3 from California and 2 from Europe. The highlights were a California red, Chalk Hill Estate, Cabernet Sauvignon from Sonoma, and a Spanish red available for the first time in the US, Tarima Hill, Monastrell, Alicante.

The Chalk Hill red benefits from the grapes being cultivated over a volcanic chalk which adds an extra flavor which surprised me. It was the wine I was most interested and most weary about trying, yet turned out to be my favorite red of the evening.

As I mentioned, the Tarima Hill is an exclusive at the Capital Grille, and is great for those who like a spicy red wine. I can’t say I would drink it normally, but I can see why it’s paired with the Grille’s steaks.

But honestly, my favorite wine of the evening was a “port” from Australia, RL Buller, The Portly Gentleman. It can’t officially be called a Port for regional reasons, but the emphasis on the label lets you know it’s going for a tawny port flavor. It was sweet. It was thick. It was like drinking a fruity cherry syrup. It was like liquid candy.

For just $25 with dinner, you are invited to enjoy as many of these red, white and sparkling gems as you like. Each vintage was hand-selected by Master George Miliotes to ensure that there is something for everyone in this collection

Review: Durian Candy

Recently, I had a “friend” ask me to try a candy she picked up while in New York. I put friend in quotes because the candy was picked up in China Town and flavored to match the only thing that I’ve seen to make Andrew Zimmerman nearly vomit: The Durian.  So I can only assume my “friend” is actually the devil.

So, does the fact I actually ate one of these things a tougher man than Andrew Zimmerman?  I can only assume yes.  Does it make me tougher than everyone in the Asian countries where this fruit is banned for its smell alone? Again, I can only assume yes.  Sure, I was subjected to a mere fraction of the smell and taste, but this candy had ACTUAL durian flavoring! It’s completely and totally the same thing.

So what did it taste like? Well for people who are fans of both bananas and onions, this is the candy for you. With a texture of taffy, the flavor can only be described as a banana and onion smoothie. If only Jamba Juice offered something like this on their menu.  I could avoid it just like I would another chance to eat this candy.

The disturbing thing?  It still tasted better than the octopus flavored corn chip I was offered a few months back.

Rereading that sentence, I need to rethink the things my “friends” offer me to try.

XoCo – Chicago, IL

My need to NOT be that guy who writes headlines like “XoCo is LOCO” is in a constant internal struggle with the guy who on occasion loves such incredibly horrid word play.  But Chef Rick Bayless has earned a little more respect on this page than horrible puns and easy rhymes the 10-year-old stuck inside my head wants to shout.

And we’re best friends now.  Not only did he respond to one of my tweets, but he walked by us where I nonchalantly said, “Hey, Chef.” Even better is, he responded, “Hello.”  Yep.  Best friends.  Expect my Bayless endorsed restaurant MoHo RoCo in 2011.

The fixed menu is nice and simple, with only one or two daily specials.  Choices range from the familiar tastes of chicken, to the slightly-less-familiar headcheese. There are also caldos (soup) versions of a handful of the sandwiches.  Chips, salsas, guacamoles and pastries fill out the menu; along with aqua frescas, ice creams and churros.

Let me tell you, the churros are where it’s at.  Rick Bayless could open a churro stand with those things and make money.  The dough was that perfect combination of crunchy and chewy, covered with a healthy amount of cinnamon sugar.  At 1 for $1.00 or 3 for $3.00, it may be the best deal on the menu.

Chips and salsa were fine but unnecessary.  They made be handmade, but at the price you shouldn’t be able to count the amount of chips you get just by looking at the basket.  They were also a little conservative with the salsa.

Katie ordered the Gunthorp Chicken Torta described on the menu as a wood-roasted red chile chicken, caramelized onion, black beans, avocado, tomatillo salsa.  The first problem arose when the onions on the sandwich were nearly raw and definitely not carmelized.  She was also not a fan of the chicken itself, or the lack of spices that came with it to be more to the point.  Luckily, after a healthy dose of the hot sauce provided at the table, it was finally to her liking.

I ordered the Woodland Mushroom torta which came with wood-roasted garlic mushrooms, Prairie Farm goat cheese, black beans, wild arugula, 3-chile salsa.  The mushrooms were perfectly marinated and went well with the goat cheese.  I couldn’t find a single issue with my sandwich, made evident that mine was gone before Katie even touched the second half of hers.

Our main problem with the tortas were the size.  They’re perfectly average in size,  but just on the side of a little too small that when we left I was still hungry.

The mexican chocolate flan we had for dessert was rich and dense, but not sickeningly so.  A nice little finish to our meal. We also accidentally ended up getting some hot chocolate for dessert.  We ordered it thinking we could drink it before the meal, but the process is so involved that we didn’t get the cup until halfway through our meal.  It was a happy situation, however, because it went well with our dessert.

There is one thing that is keeping XoCo from moving beyond good to being great.  It’s not XoCo’s fault, nor is it Rick Bayless’.  But it is a problem that turned away at least 6 people while Katie and I took our first visit there Saturday afternoon.  The line to get in is ridiculous.  Reports vary, of course.  Our friends from Fritz Pastry, Nate & Elaine, went there on a weekday afternoon to find an empty restaurant where they quickly ordered and ate within 30 minutes.  On the other end of the spectrum, it took us nearly 30 minutes of standing in line to merely reach the doors of the restaurant.  The next 20 minutes were made even worse because now we could actually smell the smells we were already hungry for.

This would be the perfect lunch spot if you could run in and grab a quick torta, which is how this place appears to be set up.  And maybe once the excitement of a new Bayless restaurant wears off, that’ll be the case.  But for right now you have to seriously consider if your need for a torta and some chips outweighs the chance you could be waiting for that very torta any where from 45 minutes to 2 hours.

Yang Chinese Restaurant – Snapshot Review

There’s only three words hungry vegetarians need to know before rushing down to the CTA train stop on Roosevelt Road: General Tso’s Tofu.

Sticky, sweet, and spicy, Yang Chinese Restaurant‘s General Tso’s Tofu could be the most delicious surprise of the month.

In fact, everything we had at a restaurant we normally walk right by was delicious. The orange tofu was good, but placed a distant second to the Tso’s. The fried rice was cooked just right. And the veggie egg rolls were stuffed with crisp vegetables.

Seriously, seriously, some of the best quick stop Chinese food we’ve ever grabbed on a whim.

Yang Chinese Restaurant
28 E. Roosevelt Rd.
Chicago, IL 60605
312-986-1688

P.S. Bangkok – Snapshot Review

Our original plan was to finally check out Matsuya after several recommendations; but with time short we made an executive decision to hit up P.S. Bangkok instead.

Appetizers were a fried sweet corn cake and tofu satay. The corn cake was perhaps lacking a little too much flavor, relying solely on the dipping sauce to add something to the deep fried crunch. The satay, however, was supremely satisfying. The peanut sauce was not the typical thick, rich paste; but instead a perfectly flavored drizzle on top of the already well marinated tofu.

The Pad Thai was easily some of the best I’ve eaten since moving to the city, perfectly creamy and seasoned. Katie was also pleased with her Chicken Panang Curry, complaining only that she could have used some vegetables to mix up the flavors.

Relativley fast AND affordable, P.S. Bangkok was definitely a nice surprise for two people originally in the mood for some sushi.

P.S. Bangkok
3345 N Clark St
Chicago, IL 60657
(773) 871-7777

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Indian Garden – Snapshot Review

Spicy. Spicy. Spicy.  That about sums up Indian Garden.

I could eat the pakora by the plateful. It’s like the popcorn shrimp of the vegetarian world.  Always crisp, never greasy.  As I mentioned, everything has a kick.  From the saag paneer to the aloo gobi.  By the time we were done, I was convinced my eyes were sweating.

While their full menu offers a wider variety of dishes, but the buffet gives you a decent sampling of their food.

Try the iced tea. It’s confoundingly some of the most delicious ice tea I’ve ever had.

Surviving The Summer Festivals

When most people think summer, food and Chicago, their minds instantly wander to the loud, over-hyped Taste of Chicago.  As many Chicagoans will tell you, the Taste of Chicago actually seldom recreates the full scope of the city known for its amazing food.  Instead you get the tourists’ version of Chicago with tents for Eli’s Cheesecake, Lou Malnati’s, Giordanos and a plethora of other institutions that food shows love to feature in their Chicago specials.

Most Chicagoans have adapted to the idea that Grant Park is, for all intents and purposes, off limits until July 6, when the cleaners come and wipe clean the streets, making them inhabitable for humans again.

This year Katie and I foolishly made our way over to the Taste on July 3rd (no, I don’t know why) and my belief that no one can actually find that undulating mass of bodies a good time were only solidified.  We were packed into the streets like sardines, unable to move at every intersection, and basically had to take on a mob mentality to even get to the booths.

Photo from Desination360.com

I previously read that “they” (an unknown shadowy Chicago entity) were trying to make the Taste more affordable with 2 dollar taste portions.  Either we missed every tent with this option, or it was a grand myth; because everything we wanted to try started at 4 tickets and only got more expensive from there.

The highlight for us was easily Soul Vegetarian and their offerings up BBQ “Beef” sticks and sweet potato pie.  Each “taste” was 4 dollars, and a desperate attempt to get by Manny’s and their massive turkey legs.  And that only brings up another question; why are turkey legs and ears of corn the biggest seller at the Taste?  Why come all the way to Chicago and get the same fair food you can get at any small fair or festival?  Doesn’t that defeat the point of the Taste of Chicago?  Because I can guarantee that normally you don’t see anyone wandering the downtown streets with a gnawing on a turkey leg the size of a baby.

But, I could spend the entire article railing against the Taste, decrying that tourists who come down only for the Taste will never know the true flavors of Chicago; but it’s already been done by better writers many times over.

What people outside of Chicago don’t realize is that the summer is FULL of festivals, from the free cultural offerings at Daley Plaza to the neighborhood festivals that celebrate all weekend long.

Some of Chicago’s restaurants are too small to ever have a presence at Taste of Chicago, relying solely on the smaller festivals to get their names out there.

No, they’re not all great.  Most of the free festivals in Daley Plaza are cookie cutter versions of larger festivals.  They all have 3-5 food tents focusing on the cuisine of whatever country/continent is being featured that week.  The rest are typically craft tents that all seem to sell the same things.  During the African festival I even noticed some tents featuring Chinese products.  I’m know geography wizard, but I think they may have their continents confused.

And don’t get me started on the 5-10 dollar “recommended” donation that most, if not all, of the neighborhood festivals have.  It’s not a donation if you have someone at the gate keeping you from getting inside until you hand over your money.  Just call it what it is, an entrance fee, and be done with it.  We all know what it is, and we’re cool with it.

Yet, even with these complaints, the most fun we’ve had this summer has been at things like the Andersonville Midsommerfest.  The streets were lined with local shops and restaurants; those without booths opened their windows to serve food to anyone interested.  It was here that I was able to try a Simon’s Tavern glog slushee,  some seitan chorizo tacos, topped off  with some delicious ice cream from George’s Ice Cream and Sweets.

We’ve also had the opportunity to drink a ridiculously large plastic stein of beer at Mai Fest, and try some seitan ribs from Delicious Cafe at North Center’s Rib Fest.

Out-of-towners, do yourselves a favor and plan your summer trips around some of these neighboorhood festivals instead.  No, they’re not as big, and they’re not all a spectacular spectacle; yet if you want to see what Chicago is really like, these festivals are your best bet.

Tilted Kilt – Chicago, IL

p. David Kadlubowski - The Arizona Republic

I don’t even know if I can accurately review Tilted Kilt, the recently opened Loop sports bar at 17 N. Wabash.  I mean, for someone like me, I know how to search for all the T&A I need online.  And the best part is it’s free.  I don’t feel obligated to buy an appetizer or beer so I don’t feel quite so skeevy going in to gawk at the breasts and butts on display.  Let’s be honest, that’s pretty much the only reason this bar exists.  It’s like the dream bar for someone who wanted a slightly higher class Hooters; while also harboring a dark fetish for short kilts.  And it is a fetish, because that’s the closest thing to Celtic or Irish that exists in this place.

Don’t get me wrong, you can never go wrong with the baring of flesh, but in today’s world when burlesque shows and strip clubs are so mainstream, do we have to masquerade our need to see boobs under the thin disguise of being a sports bar?  At least when you go to a strip club everyone knows the score.  You’re there to see nudity; and the women (or men) are there to take your money.  At Tilted Kilt you can’t help but feel just the slightest bit dirty trying to covertly sneak a peak at some cleavage, or gawk at the legs on display underneath the kilt.  It upsets the balance between restaurant and strip club.  You want to stare but you feel like you’re breaking the unwritten laws of not leering at your restaurant server.

The food is tertiary to the drinks which follows a distant second to the T&A.  The service is what it is.  In our case, it was mediocre at best.  The waitress was eager to serve, stopping by several times while we looked over the menu.  But once the food arrived she disappeared, which was a problem since the order was wrong.  Katie’s pulled-pork sandwich, ordered without coleslaw, looked like the kitchen realized after they put it on the sandwich it shouldn’t be there.  Pieces of coleslaw seemed hidden inside the pork.  It took 10 minutes to flag down the waitress, and another 30 minutes to finally get a replacement burger which we asked for to go at that point.

p. AZ Central

Vegetarians, unless you’re looking for a “celtic” restaurant that serves pizza, give it a pass.  The pizza was good, but nothing memorable.  I probably would have enjoyed it more if I wasn’t so pissed that I had to eat my meal in front of Katie while she waited for the sandwich.  Once she finally did get her pulled pork she was pretty disappointed, giving it the “it’s a sandwich alright” review.

Sure it’s fun to be titillated, and the short plaid skirts fill out the school-girl fantasy most men are ashamed to admit they have; but when the talk in front of a restaurant/bar is “DUDE, I *TOTALLY* saw some nip!”, eventually the lure of boobs will wear off, and what will the place be left with?

17 N Wabash Ave
Chicago, IL 60602
(312) 269-5580‎

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