Elephant & Castle – Chicago, IL

Of all the chain-style UK pub houses I’ve been too, I think Elephant & Castle may be the best of the bunch.  Granted, if you can find something that’s a little more authentic, run to that place and make one of the barstools your own.  But for a quick bite and a pint of something that isn’t Miller or Bud, you could do worse.

And if anything, they had me at the idea of deep fried soft pretzels with mustard.  That is some seriously genius pub food right there.  Their bruschetta is also some of the tastier of its kind I’ve had recently.  The mini potato fritters were okay, paired up with apple chutney.  They weren’t bad, but since I don’t remember much about them, they obviously weren’t very memorable.

Main dishes range from pub classics to burgers to stir fry.  And surprisingly, the stir fry was the highlight of my meal.  Served with fried wontons and cashews over jasmine rice, the spices weren’t too intense and the wontons really added a nice crunch to the whole affair.  That’s not to say the veggie burger they also offer is a bad choice with its pesto and bruschetta toppings, but if a vegetarian has to pick, go for the stirfry.

The other nice thing about this place is when you have family visiting who aren’t too keen on trying anything crazy, but you may have to shoot someone if you end up at a Giordano’s, Lou Mal’s, or Pizzaria Uno one more time.  It’s just different enough that most of the food isn’t available in the burbs, but just familiar enough in that chain restaurant type way that family won’t get to weirded out by the fancier Chicago food.

But seriously, fried pretzels.  That’s all you need to know.

Elephant & Castle‎
185 N Wabash Ave
Chicago, IL 60601
(312) 345-1710

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Duke of Perth – Chicago, IL

In the deepest, darkest recesses of my heart, I realize that I am truly an old English man desperately looking for the pub on the corner that’s quiet, dark, and doesn’t have a TV blasting the local sports.

I think I may have found the closest thing to that available here in Chicago with the Duke of Perth on Clark Street.

Located at the end of the block, complete with tiny step up, Duke of Perth is possibly my new favorite place to go get a drink.  If I lived up in that neighborhood, I’d be hard pressed not to go in for a pint and just relax at a table.

It’s dark.  It’s cozy.  It’s quiet.  You can’t go wrong.

And the food is pretty tasty too.  Seeing as how it IS a traditional Scottish bar, so vegetarian pickings are indeed slim.  You have your choice of veggie fries or Murrayfield Mac (deep fried mac & cheese squares), but I’m pretty sure they’re cooked in the same oil as the fish.

Dinner brings you a grilled veggie sandwich or a Hebridean Leek Pie.  The leek pie is some tasty comfort food.  Filled with cheese & potatoes, it’s perfect cold weather food.  K80 tried the Islay Chicken Sandwich, a fairly large burger for the 9 bucks it cost.

The beer list is typical, as are their prices.  The Tennant’s lager was nice and fresh, reminding you a bit more of spring weather the weather we had that day.  Their big draw (for drinkers) is the list of over 50 aged malts they have available.  If I knew anything about alcohol, I’m sure I’d be pretty impressed.

As much as I was won over by the atmosphere of the Duke, there were a couple near misses.  The Murrayfield Mac seemed like it was just deep-fried Kraft Blue Box Mac & Cheese.  I think if they took the time to find a thicker noodle and melt the cheese fresh, they’d have a much stronger appetizer.  And again, I’m pretty sure they deep fry everything in the same vat, because the mac & cheese had a definite fishy aftertaste to it.  For someone like me, it wasn’t a huge deal, but stricter vegetarians should beware.

Duke of Perth
2913 N Clark St
Chicago, IL 60657
(773) 477-1741

The Rise of the Gastrosexual

PurAsia, creator of "gastrosexual"

Okay.  We all know I hate the word foodie.  It’s been oft discussed.  But, I’ll take (begrudgingly) being labeled that any day of the week compared to what The Daily Telegraph is reporting as the rise of the “gastrosexual.”

A quote from the report, conducted by PurAsia:

Gastrosexuals can be male or female but the common denominator is their love of food. We found that cooking for this new generation isn’t simply a matter of refuelling. For them it’s an enjoyable experience and something to be relished – they cook for pleasure, praise and potential seduction.

‘Male Gastrosexuals in particular are no longer content with what they can find at the back of the kitchen cupboard. They are looking for something much more satisfying in terms of taste, participation and effort.’

Yes.  Every man who learns to cook is doing it purely to seduce women.  Thank you PurAsia.  Wait…who the FUCK is PurAsia?

Why, they’re the new product wing from “Mars Food, the US giant’s non-confectionery arm in the UK” And they have apparently “just undertaken its first new product launch for nine years, with the introduction of the Asian ready meal concept…”

This article was printed yesterday in the UK, and reprinted with a little sexy fun in Radar online.  Yet the domain name gastrosexual.com was registered back on December 07, 2007.

Hmmmm….does this smell of blatant undermining of a sub-culture through viral advertising?  Stephen Colbert coming up with his own word for satire is one thing.  But, this just feels dirty.

You can read their full 29-page “report” on their website. (PDF)

And the big kicker is that the company, PurAsia, promoting a term that defines people who don’t look for the easy way out where food is concerned is the creator of “ready-made Asian meals.” Yes.  There’s no better way to impress the ladies than to drag out your finest China, and woo her with some ramen noodles and Thai Kitchen-like microwavable Pad Thai.

PurAsia, the lounge lizard of gastronomy.

Vegetarian Haggis. Wait…what?!

My mother and sister returned recently from their trip abroad to the U.K. Nestled in their pack of usual souvenirs (T-Shirts, Snow Globes, Statues) was possibly the most coolest/nastiest/vomit-inducing gift I’ve ever received.

I speak about Stahly Quality Foods Vegetarian Haggis.

What’s in Stahly Quality Foods Vegetarian Haggis you ask?

Britishsupermarket.com says it’s “made with the finest ingredients, including rutabaga, kidney beans, lentils, mushrooms, onions, peanuts, almonds, walnuts, oats, salt, and spices.“

And how does it taste? RFT St. Louis says:

“How does it taste? A lot like haggis.

That is to say: Not very good.

Something else is wrong with this can of Stahly Quality Foods Vegetarian Haggis. The side of the can reassures potential purchasers that it contains “vegetarian skinless haggis made with the finest ingredients.” What was that? Skinless? What skin are we talking about? Onion skin?

What’s worse, the other side of the can informs us that this vegetarian haggis packs all the fatty punch of its offal ancestor. A mere half-cup packs a walloping 25 grams of fat — that’s 38 percent of the RDA. Put another way, for every 280 calories of Stahly Quality Foods Vegetarian Haggis, 220 of those calories come from fat.”

Based on that review, I’m now convinced my family is secretly trying to kill me.  Maybe they’re more upset about me moving to Chicago than I thought?  Maybe some RA Sushi employees paid them to snuff me once and for all?  Or maybe the International Haggis World Coalition has a more sinister agenda: Wipe out the vegetarians!

Without opening it, I have a few thoughts on Stahly Quality Foods Vegetarian Haggis.  The sound from the can when shaken sounds like slightly watery beans.  The slurping and slushing of the liquid is a fairly ominous one.

Second, I’m a little disturbed by the fact that when you actually shake the can it gets cold.  What kind of insidious coolant system makes us that liquid?

Am I still going to at least TRY it?  Hells yeah.  I mean, I think I HAVE to at least give it the ol’ college try.  I just need to find the right recipe to tackle what may be the most disgusting thing I’ve ever eaten.