Jalapeno Potato Chips – Food Addict: Heartburn Edition

When I find a new food I like I tend to become obsessed with it. It’s an unhealthy compulsion of mine. I know my quirks and embrace them. When Noodles and Co. first opened in my area, they knew my name by the end of the month. They would ask me if I wanted my regular (Mac & Cheese w/ Tofu!). Same with the Thai place by me. They would know it’s me based on the order.

It’s the same with junk food. And last week I discovered jalapeño potato chips. And I was a happy boy; a happy, stinky, boy, with heartburn to spare.

You know how you try something for the first time and declare, “This! This right here is what food is!” Until, you find something better, and declare, “THIS! This is FOOD! That other stuff? That was crap!” And the cycle continue until the Walgreens is completely out of stock, you’ve somehow spent a paycheck on potato chips, and all you have to show for it is 300% your daily recommended sodium intake, stained fingers, and the feeling you may never eat food again. Ah, the last week of March was magical.

At the beginning of the week, I started with El Sabroso’s Jalapeñitos, a tortilla chip featuring cheese and a mild jalapeño flavor. Granted, it’s not a potato chip, but hey, jalapeño! It fits…sorta. Anyways, the chips were indeed mild, providing just enough spice to warrant having a mention of the pepper on the bag. Truth be told, I enjoyed the Salsitas chips by the same company more. Those carry a heartier flavor featuring salsa and avocadoes. They even have a guacamole chip, which I guess you would enjoy if you were an agent of Satan who enjoys such foul food creations like guacamole. Why would you do such a thing to avocadoes? What did they ever do to you?

The idea of jalapeño chips was in my blood. I scoured the shelves for more. I found Lay’s Kettle Cooked Jalapeño chips the next day. Now, THESE were jalapeño chips. They bit back while I ate them. I could almost hear them threatening to kick my ass as I chewed them. They got their revenge though, the spicy little bastards. Hours later, after a meal of CURRY, I could still taste them. They weren’t going down without a fight, a delicious fight. These were easily my favorite of the week, which is saying something because I usually hate Lay’s chips. Maybe it’s because my grandfather used to get boxes of them as a kid, or maybe it’s because I prefer a REAL chip like Pringles or Ruffles.

The final find of the week? Jay’s Jalapeño Krunchers. Truth be told, I was never a huge fan of the Kruncher brand. They’re almost TOO krunchy. And while some kids prefer their potato chips to resemble over-baked flavor discs, I like my potato chips traditionally crisp. It’s a testament to the fact that the bag actually survived a couple days before they were finished. Sure, they tasted like jalapeño, but you know, they were Krunchers.

Conclusion

You either need to be single, or have a girlfriend/boyfriend/real doll who doesn’t mind the fact that you smell like pickled peppers for several hours to fully enjoy jalapeño flavored chips. Luckily, K80 is such a girl, although she made me promise to brush my teeth before we kissed again.

When I buy another bag, I’m definitely looking for the Lay’s chips first, followed by El Sabroso’s, and finally the Krunchers. Sometimes spice isn’t everything, as El Sabroso proved.

Also, Jalapeño chips are definitely not for everybody, much like the actual pepper. However, those people are wimps. Bring on the Thai pepper chips! I want something that changes my body temperature, causes sweats, and makes me regret choices I’ve made in the past.

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