Continuing my climb from “What did I just put into my mouth?” to “Hey, I don’t MIND putting that in my mouth!” we next tackle the newest Bubble Yum flavor: Hershey’s Genuine Milk Chocolate.
I just…I don’t…what were they thinking? It’s just bad. The pieces are too big. The flavor tastes like bad imitation chocolate flavor. And your jaw hurts before you can get the piece down to a manageable size. I still have a package of this stuff at home, only one piece missing. I’m hoping to find some suckers adventurous spirits who would like to give it a good home.
I can only imagine that marketing meeting…
Burst My Bubble:
A One Act Play
Man 1: James Woods
Man 2: James Caan
Man 3: Alec Baldwin
Carol Channing: Herself
(Setting: An official looking boardroom)
Man 2: We need to ride this chocolate thing that the newspapers are talking about.
Man 1: Come on. What do ya mean? We’re a bubble gum company for fuck’s sake. Bubble Gum! Not Chocolate! Bubble Gum! Have you gone senile? Your senile!
Man 2: If you don’t come up with some ideas, you won’t have much of a brain to go senile with.
Man 1: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey. Whoa. Anger becomes you. But let me see what I can do.
(Man 1 pauses momentarily)
Man 1: (Snaps fingers) How about this…we make chocolate bubble gum. We’ll get Hershey’s to co-market it. They’re still big right? If they don’t want it, fuck ’em, we’ll get Nesquick.
Man 2: I hate your fucking guts, but I respect you…and your ideas. Let’s get this to production.
(Man 3 enters the board room, bursting through the door)
Man 3: Chocolate is for CLOSERS only! Has anyone seen Lemon?
(Carol Channing appears from the ceiling as if an angel descends from heaven)
Carol Channing: Well, helloooooo Chocolate!