“An Omelet & An Orgy Day” – Vegetarians like food and sex too!

Okay. It’s all getting a little out of hand. I know all too well that many people consider Valentine’s Day a “woman’s holiday.” I’m not even going to pretend that’s nothing more than a dumb-ass theory held by a majority of my gender who also use that day as an their own personal day of forgiveness.

“Here,” they say, “I bought flowers and something shiny. Now, you can’t be mad that I was a crappy partner the other 364 days.” You can probably tell that Katie and I don’t celebrate the holiday. Most years, we’ve forgotten it was even happening. But, we’re also lucky enough to have a relationship where we show AND tell (get your mind out of the gutters) how much we love each other daily. We don’t need Hallmark or Fannie May or Helzberger to tell us it’s okay to do something nice for each other.

I vaguely remember hearing about the “man’s” response to Valentine’s Day last year, but marked it off as nothing more than another flash in the pan internet joke. Well, it’s still around. “Steak and a BJ” (NSFW) day is celebrated every March 14.

March 14th is now officially “Steak and Blowjob Day”. Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you care for him.

No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all, just a steak and a BJ. Thats it. Finally, this twin pair of Valentine’s Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March 14th!

Yeah. Maybe it’s all a joke. It probably is. I can almost guarantee it is. But, it’s still as stupid as it sounds. Because now the guys aren’t even getting the gifts for their girlfriends out of love. They’re doing it to get their own. Namely a nice porterhouse, and some oral fulfillment. Because real men love steaks! And blow jobs!

My friend Jen broke the news that yesterday was in fact the women’s response to “Steak and a BJ” day. April 14 is now “Cake and Cunnilingus Day.” (Also NSFW).

Why? Well, as some enterprising men have declared March 14 to be “Steak and Blowjob Day”, we women thought we’d get in on the act as well, a month later.

Cake and Cunnilingus Day is about celebrating female pleasure. It’s about putting our orgasms on the agenda and demanding pleasure equality!

What are male vegetarians supposed to do? We don’t eat steak, and we’re apparently not allowed dessert (happy endings don’t count). That leaves “Steak and a BJ Day” pretty much out.

Both “holidays” just seem so exclusive and segregating. So, you know what? If you can’t beat ’em (HA), join ’em! That’s why I’m introducing June 3 as “An Omelet & An Orgy Day.” If there’s an orgy, you’re going to need your protein, so why not an omelet? What goes in it, you decide! Go for some darker greens for their vitamins. Add your favorite cheese! Toss in some salsa for a mucho caliente approach!

But what makes this holiday great? You can celebrate even if you’re not a vegetarian! “An Omelet & An Orgy Day” is a “vegetarian-friendly sex holiday” that is all-inclusive. Worried about cholesterol? Use Egg Beaters or other egg replacers! Want some ham in there? Go on! It’s a day for everyone! Man or woman! Carnivore, herbivore or omnivore! I don’t care! Go get your damn omelet, grab your partner’s hand, bring along a couple of friends if you want, and THEIR friends if you’re feeling spry.

Eat the omelet and start that groping marathon. June 3! “An Omelet & An Orgy Day!” America, it’s time to come together! (Pun most definitely intended)

Hell. Fuck the omelet for all I care. Just wait until the cheese cools. I won’t be held responsible for burns.

Protein And Partying!

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