Vegetarian French Cassoulet

I know the very idea of a vegetarian French cassoulet is an idea of contradictions. French love a few things: butter, pastry, slapstick comedy, pencil-thin mustaches and meat. Also, from what I told they also love hating on Americans, but I’ve never been there so I can’t say firsthand. Part of me feels that the stereotype has been given the mythic proportions treatment, but the other part of me feels like, “Well can’t really blame them. We’re pretty gross.”

But this IS a vegetarian French cassoulet. Meat substitutions and vegetable stock replace the typical meaty ingredients. Just go generous with the salt. I was a bit conservative and I think it needs more than “to taste.”

I’m also skipping the bread crumbs because it gave the texture a more mealy grit to it and unless you’re talking about grits, it’s never a good thing for food to be described as mealy or gritty.

Vegetarian French Cassoulet (adapted from The Mediterranean Cookbook)

• 1/2 pound Trader Joe’s “Beef-less” Strips cut into a dice
• 1/2 pound Tofurkey Italian sausage cut into 1/2-inch slices
• 1 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil
• 1 large yellow onion, peeled and chopped
• 1 large red bell pepper, chopped
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 4 15-oz cans navy beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 14 1/2-oz can diced tomatoes
• 1 tsp dried thyme
• 1 cup vegetable broth
• Salt and pepper to taste

This recipe can either be cooked in the oven or using a crockpot

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees if using the oven.

Place “beef” and sausage in a large casserole or crockpot. Set aside. Heat oil in a skillet over medium heat and then add the onion, red pepper and garlic. Saute until onions and pepper are soft, about 10 minutes. Add to the casserole or crockpot. Add beans, tomatoes, thyme and vegetable broth to casserole or crockpot and stir all ingredients to combine.

If using a casserole, bake, uncovered for 90 minutes. Or cook in a crockpot on low for 6-7 hours.

Serves 8

Cheetos Cheezy Salsa Mix Cheetos

I fully support and approve this new delicious surprise from Cheetos. I look forward to trying their Super Cheezy Mix as well. Good luck finding them though. It took me going to a Downer’s Grove suburb to find them at the Jewel there. I haven’t seen them anywhere in Chicago.

*Update* Just found them at a local CVS, so they do exist within the city proper.

The One Where I Hate On Milwaukee But Not Really

Now I don’t blame Milwaukee itself for the miserable trip we took up there, but man what a waste of a couple days. I was desperate to get away from the gray of Chicago, so what better thing to do than replace it with the gray of Milwaukee? It’s only a couple hour drive and it’s something different to do. I Priceline’d a 4-star hotel and we headed out on a 2-day adventure north.

What we ended up with was a trip where we curled into fetal positions, sick from the bar nuts we ate and the alcohol drank at the hotel bar, and watched Blades of Glory before ultimately being woken up by a goddamned seagull tapping on our window. Did I mention the walls were so thin we could hear water running constantly?

Breakfast wasn’t much better. We ate the buffet, which was surprisingly decent for a hotel buffet, but we never had a server. Apparently we could have ordered pancakes, waffles, and omelets as part of our buffet experience, but we didn’t find that out until some random server came up and asked if we’d even been helped. Too bad we were already finished with our meal.

4-star hotel.

But that’s not Milwaukee’s fault. That’s Priceline’s fault for saying the Hyatt Regency was a 4-star hotel when it felt more like a 2-star affair at best.

It also didn’t help that my back went out 2 hours after we got there. All of the plans we had, which mostly involved food and museums, were pretty much scrapped as we headed back to Illinois, defeated and not nearly as full of beer and cheese as one could hope.

I do blame Milwaukee for their drivers though. I’ve never had so many people tailgate me in a city before. What kind of bumper car logic is taught up there? All I’m saying is stay off my ass.

We’ll probably go back to Milwaukee so we can go on the brewery tours and check out the art museums, but it will be a bit before we do.

But that’s not to say it was all bad. We were able to go Palomino Bar &fried goodness, which of course means LOTS OF DEEP FRIED FOOD. And this is why I wanted to go to Palomino. Not because they were known for a decent selection of vegetarian options, although that is a plus, but because they had an appetizer called the Aw-Fuck-It Bucket.

Let that roll around in your mind lobes for a while. It’s an appetizer that in and of itself gives up on the argument that you shouldn’t order it. And why shouldn’t you order it? It’s a platter of deep fried awesome: cheese curds, corn dogs, corn fritter, tater tots, jalapeño poppers. The main disappointing thing about this dish is that it didn’t come in one of those buckets you see normally reserved for casinos. I wanted it to come in a pail with Aw-Fuck-It etched on the side. It sounds like a mistake, and I wanted it to look like a mistake.

Deep fried cheese curds are a midwestern thing. I don’t care if they’re served somewhere else, but only midwesterners can invent such an idea. And I thank them for it. I love cheese and deep frying it only makes it better. Cheese curds are part of my childhood. My grandparents used to bring back bags of them from their trips to Wisconsin, I’m assuming from Mars Cheese Castle, and to this day I love those little clumps of cheese.

But if you happen to find yourself at Palomino, a place from the outside that looks like a typical neighborhood bar, please to avoid the corn fritters. More like hushpuppies and dry beyond belief, they were the second big disappointment of the appetizer. Possibly even more disappointing than it not coming in an actual bucket.

The rest of the food? Delicious. I had the seitan Faux Boy and Katie had the chicken and waffles, which came with three giant pieces of chicken and one large waffles. I’m glad I didn’t go with more deep fried though, because that bucket expanded in our stomachs, even though that Vegan Fried “Steak” sure was tempting.

How’s my weight loss going? Not well. Not well.

Well shoot, Deschutes

I’m going to get this right out of the way. Timothy O’Tooles is not a good food restaurant. It is a “get out of work and hang out with friends who don’t care about food” type of place. The food I had there was so mediocre and middle of the road I had to liberally apply salt and pepper to my “Michigan Avenue” salad to give it some modicum of flavor. The salad comprised of grilled chicken, goat cheese, avocado, craisins, corn, toasted almonds, tomato, croutons & citrus vinaigrette should have been a shoo-in, so somehow making that taste like nothing makes your restaurant extra special. The pretzel bites themselves were fine, but the dipping sauce was so runny, it barely clung to the pretzel. 

But people don’t go here for the food. It’s a sports bar plain and simple. Hell, their logo is a bald dude passed out on the bar. I don’t think people care their salad is flavorless as long as the drink specials are indeed special and hopefully cheap.

I wasn’t here for the food anyways. Oregon’s Deschutes Brewery was having a “We’re finally in Chicago!” party, and I’m always game for trying new beer. I called up my friend Jeremy and we headed down to Streeterville to try some beer and get our complimentary Dechutes pint glass (it’s pretty nice).

As I’ve mentioned previously, I’m not good at reviewing the fine points of beer. I just know if something tastes good to me. I was not equipped with the taste buds to appreciate the subtle oaky notes, or fruit forward direction of a beer. So, this is less a review of the beer and more a “I’d drink that again.”

The biggest surprise of the evening for me was their Black Butte Porter. Porters are usually beyond my comfort zone when it comes to beer. Decidedly strong, dark and bitter I tend to avoid them. Yet this porter was surprisingly smooth and while still strong and dark, the bitter bite was missing. Of the porters I’ve had, and that’s not many, this was probably my favorite, just because it wins by being the least like a porter. 

Sweetest two words in the human language, “Forfeit.”

I did enjoy their Mirror Pond Pale Ale quite a bit, a “hop-forward” beer according to the press release and website. It was probably the cleanest pour (LOOK I’M USING LINGO!) of the evening, as evidenced by the two pints I had.

I’m not a huge fan of IPA’s, but the Chainbreaker White IPA wasn’t cringeworthy. I’m guessing it’s because it tasted like a mix of a Belgian white and a regular IPA. It’s not something I would order, but the free sample was nice.

The street team member was hilarious, and I started referring to her as our new best friend. I don’t know if people weren’t biting on trying new and different beer, but she was INCREDIBLY excited that we were there purely to try their wares. We even got a sweet Deschutes bottle opener keychain out of the deal. You can’t go wrong with free. Plus now, if a party breaks out in the middle of the street or a CTA car I’m all set. I will be there to pop those bottles if popping bottles is something that needs to be done.

What did I learn from this experience? Not all porters are terrible. Street team members for breweries are incredibly friendly and probably drunk. Free stuff is fun.

Revenge Gone Wrong: Salted Brown Butter, Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

Pinterest. Facebook. Instagram. Friendster. If they’re not made for flame wars and trolls, they’re made for posting photos of food. Turns out there’s a Food Porn Daily website made just for people to Creme Fraiche all over themselves (South Park. NSFW). This website isn’t much different. I talk about food. My meals today have been supplemented by cookies I made purely to get back at a friend for posting a photo of delicious sounding cookies. Guess what? The joke’s on me.

The cookies are delicious. I’ve had 9 in the past 24 hours. That’s not healthy. I’ll tell you why. There’s nothing healthy about these cookies. The amount of butter, sugar and chocolate chips in these is something to behold. But adding salt to them? That was my downfall. Salty and sweet mingled together in cookie form? It’s all I can do to not go back to the plate and have another one. I can feel the stomach ache surfacing that only sugar can create.

So, much like The Ring, I’m passing this on to the next person. It’s on your head now. The original recipe came from The Cooking Actress. I didn’t have plain Greek yogurt, so I used honey-flavored Greek yogurt instead. There’s no noticeable difference, but I’m guessing a cherry-flavored Greek yogurt would make these cookies even more insane.

Salted Brown Butter, Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

• 1 1/3 cup all purpose flour
• 3/4 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1/4 tsp kosher salt plus more for sprinkling
• 1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
• 1/2 cup (one whole stick) unsalted butter
• 3/4 cup peanut butter, room temperature
• 3/4 cup dark brown sugar
• 1/2 cup granulated sugar
• 1 egg
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 tbsp. plain Greek yogurt
• 1 1/2 cups chocolate chips

In a medium bowl combine flour, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, and salt. In a small saucepan melt the butter over medium heat and whisk constantly as it foams and browns (3 minutes). Immediately remove from heat and pour into a large bowl. Allow to cool for a few minutes. Using a mixer beat the butter and peanut butter together. Beat the sugars into the butters until fully incorporated. Beat in the egg, vanilla, and yogurt. On low speed, add the dry ingredients into the liquid ingredients. Gently stir in the chocolate chips. Allow to chill for at least 30 minutes. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Using a cookie scoop, scoop cookies onto ungreased cookie sheets (or ones lined with a silpat). Leave space in between as the cookies will spread. Using a fork, lightly press onto the top of each cookie in a criss-cross pattern and sprinkle the tops the remaining kosher salt. Bake 8-9 minutes, until the cookies have spread and the edges begin to crisp. They will still look underdone. Remove from the oven and cool on the sheet for 5 minutes, then move to a cooling rack.

The size of the cookie scoop I used made 2 dozen cookies.

Good Enough To Give You Diabetes: Nutella Swirl Pound Cake

I don’t have much to say about this recipe other than it’s delicious. Katie has a particular weakness for Nutella, so when I see an interesting recipe I bookmark it and eventually treat her to a bit of baking.

The recipe originally came from Food & Wine, but I found it on the Chicago Foodies website.

If you want to make it extra sugary to guarantee your own health downfall, and possible stomach ache, just do what I did and accidentally boost the 1 1/4 cups of sugar up to 1 1/2. It makes the crust extra crispy and your teeth extra tingly.

Nutella Swirl Pound Cake

• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 4 large eggs, room temperature
• 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
• 3/4 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 sticks unsalted butter, softened
• 1 1/4 cups granulated sugar
• One 13-ounce jar Nutella

1. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Grease a 9″x5″ loaf pan. In a medium sized bowl, combine flour, baking powder and salt.

2. In a separate large bowl, beat together butter and sugar until light and fluffy using a mixer. Make sure your eggs are at room temperature to ensure your cake rises properly. Gradually add in each egg, and then the vanilla, until fully incorporated.
3. With your mixer on low, add in the dry ingredients to the wet little by little.
4. Spray or butter your pan. Pour in 1/3 of your batter. Spread with 1/2 of the jar of Nutella. Now, pour over 1/3 more of the batter. Top with the rest of the Nutella. Finish off with the rest of your batter.
5. Before baking, lightly swirl through the pan with a butter knife once or twice. Bake for about an hour and ten minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean from the center.

Allow the cake to cool thoroughly before serving. I know it’s tempting to dig into warm Nutella, but you will have a runny mess if you cut into the cake immediately. Serve for dessert with ice cream or enjoy with a cup of coffee for breakfast. Nutella is a healthy breakfast food, right?

Cheeseburgers in Pasadena

Since we moved back to Illinois, people don’t ask me much how I feel about the whole thing. Burbank wasn’t the right place for us, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t deeply miss the ocean and walking the beach, or being able to drive to a place like Disneyland or Universal Studios.

It’s hard to go through winter in Chicago but think what this time of the year would be like if we were still in Burbank (hopefully not 100 degrees). I still wistfully think we’ll make it back out there at least once under our own terms. We’ll find the right city to live. We’ll find the right place to call home. But for now, that’s not the case.

One of the biggest things I miss is our friends out there and the new places they took us. Whether it was Rocket Fizz, a shop dedicated to soda, or Yamashiro, being able to explore with friends was one of the biggest highlights.

So this morning when our friend Nikki messaged me with a plea to come back to California because next week was “Pasadena Burger Week,” I got a bit sad. I WANT to be back there, not just to see our friends, but to also take part in Pasadena’s Restaurant Week’s Cheeseburger Week.

It’s a week dedicated to the cheeseburger in the town where the cheeseburger was invented. I don’t even eat beef and I want to go to some of those restaurants. Of course, that would mean convincing Katie to try some of the stuff, but I think I could convince her to try Crepe Studio’s Estonian Burger, a crepe filled with beef and cheese.

It would probably be harder to convince her to try Slater’s 50/50′s FRITOS CRUNCH BURGER: A chili cheeseburger with a crunch! A Sterling Silver ground beef patty topped with melted cheddar cheese, signature chili, Fritos^® and 1000 island dressing on white brioche. I want to make a vegetarian version of that now. Stat. Now stat.

So, while I can’t visit Pasadena for what sounds like a great week of food, maybe those in California can eat a side of fries for me. Or maybe our friend Steve can try the Fritos Crunch Burger and get back to me on how awesome it is.